I tend to think I'm invisible--to most people anyway. I go about life like only those closest to me notice anything I do--the random things I do, the crazy things I say, whatever. This post is proof that that's not true.
I had to field this question three times today, so I'll just throw it out here again. I didn't go to any Halloween parties this weekend. There are simple reasons why. I'm not terribly fond of parties. As I mentioned long ago, I don't often stay for prolonged periods of time at parties. This is especially true if the party in question has elements that I don't like--like costumes, dancing, karaoke, pancakes, etc--then I tend to leave even faster. So if it's a costume/dance party, as soon as I'm left alone for about 30 seconds, I'll be on my way home.
I know what you're thinking. "Now wait a minute, you've been to two karaoke nights in the past three weeks, and went to another one shortly after moving to Iowa City." Get off my back. I was just about to explain that. There are things that make me more likely to go to (or stay at) various parties. If I'm feeling really bored or lonely, then I'm more likely to go to a party. If there's a good reason behind the party (the birthday of a good friend or two, someone getting baptized, etc) then I'm more likely to go (and stay). So the karaoke nights are explained by loneliness; boredom and birthday; and birthdays (in chronological order). Also notice that at the two most recent ones, I didn't sing. So I was just hanging out at those.
And of course, there are times where I'm just not feeling up to being around a lot of people. Being around a lot of people is physically and mentally exhausting to me, even at the best of times. This is probably why I like to think that I'm invisible--if I am, then people won't mind too much if I'm not social.
--END HALLOWEEN STUFF--
How's this for crazy: I'll most likely be working out with a Hawkeye football player soon. Again, I know what you're thinking. "How on earth does that happen? Are you sure you're not just making stuff up?" You know, you're really mean. I'm just going to stop posting if you're going to be this mean. Anyway, on Monday, I made a Facebook status saying that Iowa City was making me fat (of the ~100 pounds I lost during the last year I lived in Ames, I've gained 90 pounds back since moving). Apparently, people notice me more than I think they do. Today, one of the football players (who goes to Salt and Veritas) sent me a message asking if I wanted a workout partner. It took two hours to get over the shock and compose my thoughts for a reply.
I don't understand it. Crazy stuff just seems to happen around me. It can't possibly be me that's causing crazy stuff to happen, can it?
30 October 2011
23 October 2011
Old Traps
Last night, I was just hanging out at my place, wasting time, when I got a text around 7, asking what I was doing. After a short conversation, I was informed of a worship night happening, or I could go see paranormal activity. I hadn't heard of the worship night before that, so the father of lies chose that opportunity to spring one of his old traps on me: "You're a loser and nobody likes you. That's why nobody tells you about anything anymore." At that point (7:20 pm) I decided to go for a walk, which would take me past the place where the worship night was happening.
But first, it took me on a long path that included going past the hospital--so I now know that the hospital is about a 40-minute walk from my place--and crossing a wooden bridge through the woods and some train tracks. "My" plan was to walk past the house, and if no one noticed me, I'd just keep going. And to make that a virtual impossibility, I was wearing my coat, which I almost never wear, so it would make it even harder for me to be recognized in. I walked past, and it looked like there was maybe two people there. Of course, no one noticed, since I was wearing a coat I almost never wear, and walking on a sidewalk that isn't very well lit, and no one inside had any reason to look outside.
I kept walking, staying stuck in the trap, and eventually feeling really alone. I got about a mile past the house when I finally said "This is stupid." Literally, I stopped and said that. I leaned against a power pole, thinking about what I had been thinking, and after a short time, I turned around and headed back. I started praying, and my prayer at that point was a little angry at myself for falling for that again, so it had some "colorful language".
When I got there, I was soon asked how I was, and I admitted that I had fallen into an old trap, and told everyone there about it. I almost cried when I was in the trap, I almost cried talking about it then, and I almost cried typing about it now. How many times am I going to (almost) cry this month? It's getting ridiculous.
But first, it took me on a long path that included going past the hospital--so I now know that the hospital is about a 40-minute walk from my place--and crossing a wooden bridge through the woods and some train tracks. "My" plan was to walk past the house, and if no one noticed me, I'd just keep going. And to make that a virtual impossibility, I was wearing my coat, which I almost never wear, so it would make it even harder for me to be recognized in. I walked past, and it looked like there was maybe two people there. Of course, no one noticed, since I was wearing a coat I almost never wear, and walking on a sidewalk that isn't very well lit, and no one inside had any reason to look outside.
I kept walking, staying stuck in the trap, and eventually feeling really alone. I got about a mile past the house when I finally said "This is stupid." Literally, I stopped and said that. I leaned against a power pole, thinking about what I had been thinking, and after a short time, I turned around and headed back. I started praying, and my prayer at that point was a little angry at myself for falling for that again, so it had some "colorful language".
When I got there, I was soon asked how I was, and I admitted that I had fallen into an old trap, and told everyone there about it. I almost cried when I was in the trap, I almost cried talking about it then, and I almost cried typing about it now. How many times am I going to (almost) cry this month? It's getting ridiculous.
20 October 2011
Hello world! (Part 2)
Well, we once again have internet here. We lost it for a while, because the neighbors (seemingly) forgot to pay the bill. So today, our own was hooked up. There's just one little catch. We don't have wireless yet. We've only got a direct hookup, so only one of the three of us can be online at a time, until Sunday when we get a wireless router. Anyway, not much to say today, so this is short. Though I did sleep for about 14 hours last night. I starting napping off and on at 4, then at 8 I just gave up and went to bed, then slept until 6.
19 October 2011
Random Stuff
So, a couple comments on the Anthem and Adoleo concert again. I've been meaning to make a post for these, but I've had two tests in the past two days, but more on that later. Anyway, while talking to people about it, I kept hearing about things that I missed. The drummer going wild, the additional drummers nearly hitting the lead pastor, etc. I didn't notice any of these things. As I thought back, I realized that most of the time, I only notice one person if I'm doing lyrics. I notice who's leading the song, and everyone else might as well not be there. Tunnel vision can be a good thing, since I'm concentrating on what I need to, but it can be bad since I miss out on awesomeness. Secondly, I bought one of the songs they played, Like Incense/Sometimes by Step and was disappointed. The drum part in the recording is just too soft. I was probably just comparing it to Friday night's version, but it didn't seem as good when the drums are completely drowned out by the vocals during the big epic part. (I think this is the first time I've actually heard a song and said "the mix on this is just bad.")
Anyway, yesterday I had my second test in two days, and I was tired. I still haven't recovered from last week. I knew it wasn't going to be great when I misspelled my own name. Seriously. I wrote my name, then looked down and saw that I had started with my last name with "Kakl" instead of the normal (and correct) "Kalk". I wish that was all I got wrong, but I had no idea how to do one problem, since I hadn't written down the right information for it on my "cheat sheet"--a one-page, single-sided, write-whatever-you-want type deal. I think I did better than the last test in that class, but that's not saying much. I got a 47 on the last test.
I've also been thinking about getting a secret tattoo lately. I'll get it without telling anyone, and it will be hidden by my normal clothing--but nowhere inappropriate, get your minds out of the gutter. I intend to get it done before Christmas.
Anyway, yesterday I had my second test in two days, and I was tired. I still haven't recovered from last week. I knew it wasn't going to be great when I misspelled my own name. Seriously. I wrote my name, then looked down and saw that I had started with my last name with "Kakl" instead of the normal (and correct) "Kalk". I wish that was all I got wrong, but I had no idea how to do one problem, since I hadn't written down the right information for it on my "cheat sheet"--a one-page, single-sided, write-whatever-you-want type deal. I think I did better than the last test in that class, but that's not saying much. I got a 47 on the last test.
I've also been thinking about getting a secret tattoo lately. I'll get it without telling anyone, and it will be hidden by my normal clothing--but nowhere inappropriate, get your minds out of the gutter. I intend to get it done before Christmas.
15 October 2011
First Anthem and Adoleo dual concert ever!
Last night, I got home over 16 hours after leaving. Here's what happened.
At 7, I left for school early so I could get online (we still don't have internet). After three hours of classes ending at 11:30, I had a one-hour break which I used to do homework and get everything due that day done. Then came another hour of class. After that was an hour and a half break. I had a shake for lunch, and ate it outside in my T-shirt while people wearing jackets walked past. Then I got online and found out that I was 3 weeks behind on Community and the Office (we also don't have TV). I watched one episode of Community, then headed to the Englert. At three, it was time to start setup.
Setup took an hour and a half, including the problem that we didn't have enough bolts to hold the confidence screen to its legs. (We still don't know where all the bolts went. We have two of these screens, each with 6 bolts, but apparently, one of them only has 2 bolts in it.) Hooray for Gaff tape.
Practice went well, but since I was running lyrics for both bands, while they each got breaks to go eat, I didn't. Luckily, I had thought ahead and had brought some almonds, and snacked on those while Anthem practiced--even though outside food and drink is not allowed. At one point, I had one of the people that had arrived early run and refill my Mountain Dew bottle with water--and I don't even remember his name, or his wife's name (all I remember is that she knew me as "the guy from the video"--and it's been a month and a half since that was shown).
The show was epic. For a while, there was around 20 performers on stage--Adoleo plus 3 trumpets, two additional drummers, and a small choir. At another point, there was a call for people with iPhones to film a music video. Some of them got to go up on stage and get close to the band--which seemed uncomfortable for the band members at moments.
And with me being me, I got really into it, often having one hand on the computer and the other in the air. I know of at least two Adoleo members that noticed, because they specifically mentioned it to me. But then, I was close to the confidence screen, and there wasn't a lot of people around me--most of the time, there was a grand total of 5 people in the balcony, counting myself and the lights guy.
At one point, there was a family with small children in the balcony, and one of the kids--a little girl of about 4--passed into a taped-off area and started climbing towards the projector for the confidence screen. I was really worried for a few seconds there, but the mom noticed and retrieved her.
After Adoleo finished, I quickly ran to the bathroom--I had been holding it for the past half hour or so--then had a couple short conversations, and we began tear-down. After all that, I got a ride home and walked in at 11:15. I quickly went to bed, but not before turning my bed (also known as a futon) around and reading for about an hour.
I was gone for over 16 hours. But it was well worth it.
At 7, I left for school early so I could get online (we still don't have internet). After three hours of classes ending at 11:30, I had a one-hour break which I used to do homework and get everything due that day done. Then came another hour of class. After that was an hour and a half break. I had a shake for lunch, and ate it outside in my T-shirt while people wearing jackets walked past. Then I got online and found out that I was 3 weeks behind on Community and the Office (we also don't have TV). I watched one episode of Community, then headed to the Englert. At three, it was time to start setup.
Setup took an hour and a half, including the problem that we didn't have enough bolts to hold the confidence screen to its legs. (We still don't know where all the bolts went. We have two of these screens, each with 6 bolts, but apparently, one of them only has 2 bolts in it.) Hooray for Gaff tape.
Practice went well, but since I was running lyrics for both bands, while they each got breaks to go eat, I didn't. Luckily, I had thought ahead and had brought some almonds, and snacked on those while Anthem practiced--even though outside food and drink is not allowed. At one point, I had one of the people that had arrived early run and refill my Mountain Dew bottle with water--and I don't even remember his name, or his wife's name (all I remember is that she knew me as "the guy from the video"--and it's been a month and a half since that was shown).
The show was epic. For a while, there was around 20 performers on stage--Adoleo plus 3 trumpets, two additional drummers, and a small choir. At another point, there was a call for people with iPhones to film a music video. Some of them got to go up on stage and get close to the band--which seemed uncomfortable for the band members at moments.
And with me being me, I got really into it, often having one hand on the computer and the other in the air. I know of at least two Adoleo members that noticed, because they specifically mentioned it to me. But then, I was close to the confidence screen, and there wasn't a lot of people around me--most of the time, there was a grand total of 5 people in the balcony, counting myself and the lights guy.
At one point, there was a family with small children in the balcony, and one of the kids--a little girl of about 4--passed into a taped-off area and started climbing towards the projector for the confidence screen. I was really worried for a few seconds there, but the mom noticed and retrieved her.
After Adoleo finished, I quickly ran to the bathroom--I had been holding it for the past half hour or so--then had a couple short conversations, and we began tear-down. After all that, I got a ride home and walked in at 11:15. I quickly went to bed, but not before turning my bed (also known as a futon) around and reading for about an hour.
I was gone for over 16 hours. But it was well worth it.
10 October 2011
I always secrete ocular fluid at weddings
Yesterday was a wedding, and I told at least one person I was going to the reception. Then I skipped out after the ceremony. Sorry. I'm just really awkward at wedding receptions.
From what I can tell there are two main things at wedding receptions (three if there's an open bar)--eating and dancing. As I've mentioned before, I can't eat around large groups. I don't dance, either. And even with the possible third thing, I don't often drink. So I end up as someone who just sits at the table off in the corner.
And of course, the one wedding reception that anyone who actually reads this may have seen me at, I simply took off when I wanted to leave. It's my standard party trick--one minute, I'm sitting awkwardly in the corner, the next minute I'm three blocks away. If parties are outside of walking distance from home, I don't like to go. So yeah, I'm awkward and a bit of a loner at parties/receptions. Sorry again.
From what I can tell there are two main things at wedding receptions (three if there's an open bar)--eating and dancing. As I've mentioned before, I can't eat around large groups. I don't dance, either. And even with the possible third thing, I don't often drink. So I end up as someone who just sits at the table off in the corner.
And of course, the one wedding reception that anyone who actually reads this may have seen me at, I simply took off when I wanted to leave. It's my standard party trick--one minute, I'm sitting awkwardly in the corner, the next minute I'm three blocks away. If parties are outside of walking distance from home, I don't like to go. So yeah, I'm awkward and a bit of a loner at parties/receptions. Sorry again.
06 October 2011
Internet Addict
Yes, it's true. I'm an internet addict. I can't seem to get through a day without seeing something funny on the web, whether it's funny pictures of cats or people falling down stairs.
Some would point out that if the internet is down, I can't waste time online, and have plenty of time to do homework or read my bible. However, around 90% of my homework requires internet at some point, so that's a problem. As for my bible, I normally read using an iPod app which stores the data for my bible reading plan online.
Anyway, this post is about the fact that I currently don't have internet at home--again. Here's a tip for all you young'ins that read this: If your neighbors are going to let you use their wireless internet, make sure they use it at least as much as you need it. If say, for example, they wouldn't notice that their internet is down for two days, and 90% of your homework requires internet at some point in the process, it would be really bad if their internet went down in the middle of the semester, wouldn't it?
Some would point out that if the internet is down, I can't waste time online, and have plenty of time to do homework or read my bible. However, around 90% of my homework requires internet at some point, so that's a problem. As for my bible, I normally read using an iPod app which stores the data for my bible reading plan online.
Anyway, this post is about the fact that I currently don't have internet at home--again. Here's a tip for all you young'ins that read this: If your neighbors are going to let you use their wireless internet, make sure they use it at least as much as you need it. If say, for example, they wouldn't notice that their internet is down for two days, and 90% of your homework requires internet at some point in the process, it would be really bad if their internet went down in the middle of the semester, wouldn't it?
02 October 2011
Random
So, this is going to sound completely random, but here it is. Back in the day, I had a huge crush on Julie "The Cat" Gaffney from the Mighty Ducks movies. Just thought I should share that with y'all.
On a side note, did anyone notice that she also played David Cross's goth girlfriend/co-worker in Men in Black II?
Yeah, well... You knew I was weird already. Don't look at me like that.
On a side note, did anyone notice that she also played David Cross's goth girlfriend/co-worker in Men in Black II?
Yeah, well... You knew I was weird already. Don't look at me like that.
Yet another retreat
About two hours ago I returned from the Salt Company Fall Retreat--I'm currently waiting for my laundry to finish so I have clean clothes to change into when I shower. It was amazing. When it started, I had slipped back into my depression from earlier in the week, and I just wasn't feeling great about going. Even though I wasn't feeling good, I let myself go to try to get the best out of the weekend.
During free time yesterday, I got into a soccer game. I played goalie for much of the game, and made a couple saves that involved putting my head in the way of people's legs/feet. The other team was just picked too well, because our team never really came close to scoring. Oh well.
Just before the Saturday night session, I was feeling exhausted. I even sprawled on the pew in the front row, anticipating taking a short nap before worship. That didn't happen, so I was feeling wiped out when it started--and after everything was over, we had to tear everything down so they could use it at church this morning. There was no way I was going to be able to help with that. At the end of the session, Ed was leading us through letting things go--idols, depression, hurt feelings towards others, etc. Of course, being me, I broke down and cried for a while. After the closing worship, I just felt so much energy.
After that session, we went outside to replicate the end to this video:
Adoleo - Waiting for You. from Gabriel Noll on Vimeo.
There were some scary moments during that. One of the lanterns got caught in a tree for a bit, another one got a hole in the top and sank back to the ground (Luckily, I had been following that one, and I caught it before it touched down again). That one got thrown in the bonfire, which caused it to burn, then float up as a charred mess, nearly hitting another lantern on the way back down. Another lantern came back down, was caught by one of the guys in my small group, and he held it until it had enough loft to take off again.
And naturally, the next morning, there was a "what has God done this weekend" open mic thing. I normally avoid getting up at times like that, but this time I just went for it. Of all the people that shared (mostly women, like the population of the retreat), I was the one up there that came closest to crying on the stage. Second place on that was a 6-4, 260 pound defensive lineman for the Hawkeyes.
As for what made me break down, it's simply this: I'm sick and tired of depression. I'm also tired of putting time with God after my own entertainment and school.
Ed Noble is an amazing man, and it's easy to tell that he is led by the Spirit. This is the second time I've heard him speak at a retreat, and both times, I've wound up unable to stand because I can't trust my legs to hold me.
Well, I think the dryer's done now, and I want to get cleaned up for an afternoon of nothing. Though I likely won't hop in the shower until the Cowboys game is over.
During free time yesterday, I got into a soccer game. I played goalie for much of the game, and made a couple saves that involved putting my head in the way of people's legs/feet. The other team was just picked too well, because our team never really came close to scoring. Oh well.
Just before the Saturday night session, I was feeling exhausted. I even sprawled on the pew in the front row, anticipating taking a short nap before worship. That didn't happen, so I was feeling wiped out when it started--and after everything was over, we had to tear everything down so they could use it at church this morning. There was no way I was going to be able to help with that. At the end of the session, Ed was leading us through letting things go--idols, depression, hurt feelings towards others, etc. Of course, being me, I broke down and cried for a while. After the closing worship, I just felt so much energy.
After that session, we went outside to replicate the end to this video:
Adoleo - Waiting for You. from Gabriel Noll on Vimeo.
There were some scary moments during that. One of the lanterns got caught in a tree for a bit, another one got a hole in the top and sank back to the ground (Luckily, I had been following that one, and I caught it before it touched down again). That one got thrown in the bonfire, which caused it to burn, then float up as a charred mess, nearly hitting another lantern on the way back down. Another lantern came back down, was caught by one of the guys in my small group, and he held it until it had enough loft to take off again.
And naturally, the next morning, there was a "what has God done this weekend" open mic thing. I normally avoid getting up at times like that, but this time I just went for it. Of all the people that shared (mostly women, like the population of the retreat), I was the one up there that came closest to crying on the stage. Second place on that was a 6-4, 260 pound defensive lineman for the Hawkeyes.
As for what made me break down, it's simply this: I'm sick and tired of depression. I'm also tired of putting time with God after my own entertainment and school.
Ed Noble is an amazing man, and it's easy to tell that he is led by the Spirit. This is the second time I've heard him speak at a retreat, and both times, I've wound up unable to stand because I can't trust my legs to hold me.
Well, I think the dryer's done now, and I want to get cleaned up for an afternoon of nothing. Though I likely won't hop in the shower until the Cowboys game is over.
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