I've been a bit low lately. The past couple days just haven't gone well. I've been exhausted, my pop spit on me on Monday, I got a bad grade on some homework (which I got back today), etc. So for lunch, I decided to hit up Capanna for gelato. My three favorite flavors (strawberry, kiwi, and lemon) were all unavailable. So even that didn't cheer me up much.
And then there's what I posted about yesterday. Well, that got me really down today. Thinking about my funeral reminded me of the vague premonition I have--that I won't live past 30--and this time, thinking about that got me down. It doesn't normally, but I really felt depressed. Not to the point of suicidal, just to the point of "I don't want to be around people, I don't want to do anything, I just want to stay in bed."
Anyway, I got home just a little bit ago, feeling lousy, and went to check the mail. Inside was an envelope with some familiar handwriting from Hawaii. Since I don't think anyone who reads this actually knows who this would be from, it was from Pete. Yes, the same Pete that gave me my first Bible. Inside was a letter talking about how things have been going and talking about my God Story video. I started crying. Just when I was feeling low, an encouraging letter from an old friend arrives in the mail.
Well, I don't think I'm completely out of the depression, but that helped.
27 September 2011
26 September 2011
Is this morbid?
Today on the bus, I was listening to music. This is really nothing new, since I always listen to music on the bus. However, a somewhat new thought came up while listening to "This is Not The End" from Gungor's newest album. The thought process went something like this (presented here as the internal dialogue that seems to flow endlessly).
This is such a good song. It makes me smile and (almost) cry at the same time.
Yeah. I kinda want it to be played at my funeral.
Wait, what? Here I am, 25 years old, and thinking about my funeral.
Oh, just shut up and enjoy the song.
"And you know you'll be alright
Oh and you know you'll be alright
This is not the end
This is not the end of us
We will shine like the stars
Bright, Brighter"
Anyway, now I'm wondering: is it morbid that I'm thinking like that while listening to that song, or is it fitting for that purpose? I mean, I have brought up thoughts of my death before, but this is kind of a different direction for it.
And now I've gone and gotten myself near to the point of crying for two consecutive posts. I'm going to lose my man card if I'm not careful.
This is such a good song. It makes me smile and (almost) cry at the same time.
Yeah. I kinda want it to be played at my funeral.
Wait, what? Here I am, 25 years old, and thinking about my funeral.
Oh, just shut up and enjoy the song.
"And you know you'll be alright
Oh and you know you'll be alright
This is not the end
This is not the end of us
We will shine like the stars
Bright, Brighter"
Anyway, now I'm wondering: is it morbid that I'm thinking like that while listening to that song, or is it fitting for that purpose? I mean, I have brought up thoughts of my death before, but this is kind of a different direction for it.
And now I've gone and gotten myself near to the point of crying for two consecutive posts. I'm going to lose my man card if I'm not careful.
25 September 2011
Tears
So yesterday, I was sitting around, and I decided that I wanted to watch The Lion King. Luckily, one of my roommates happens to own it on DVD. So I sat down and started to watch. It was the special edition with a new song--which adds nothing to the story, so it's really worthless. Anyway, the one scene came. You know the one. The one with the wildebeests and the gorge. I started to tear up when Scar and Simba were talking in the gorge. It happens every time. I tell myself, "You're 25 years old. A movie about cartoon lions--which is a ripoff of a television series about cartoon lions and a Shakespeare play about Danish royalty--should not make you cry." Yet I still cry.
This isn't the only movie that does this. Apollo 13 makes me cry too. That one makes me cry at the end, though. The scene where everybody's all tense, thinking the capsule's burned up, then you see the capsule with the chutes open, and you hear "Hello, Houston. This is Odyssey." No matter how much attention I've been paying to the movie, once that line is uttered, the tears start flowing--if they weren't already.
So yeah, now you know a couple movies to watch with me if you ever want to see me cry. There are probably others, but I can't think of them--unless you count my God Story video. You could also start playing Gungor's Ghosts Upon the Earth album, but that isn't guaranteed. Or you could just sit near me in church or on a retreat (though not when I'm running lyrics or lights, the tears don't seem to come when I've "got a job to do"). I guess what I'm really trying to say is that my tears are on a hair trigger. I even start tearing up when I talk about how I always seem to be crying.
Okay, now I need to make some computer-generated creatures die to balance things out.
This isn't the only movie that does this. Apollo 13 makes me cry too. That one makes me cry at the end, though. The scene where everybody's all tense, thinking the capsule's burned up, then you see the capsule with the chutes open, and you hear "Hello, Houston. This is Odyssey." No matter how much attention I've been paying to the movie, once that line is uttered, the tears start flowing--if they weren't already.
So yeah, now you know a couple movies to watch with me if you ever want to see me cry. There are probably others, but I can't think of them--unless you count my God Story video. You could also start playing Gungor's Ghosts Upon the Earth album, but that isn't guaranteed. Or you could just sit near me in church or on a retreat (though not when I'm running lyrics or lights, the tears don't seem to come when I've "got a job to do"). I guess what I'm really trying to say is that my tears are on a hair trigger. I even start tearing up when I talk about how I always seem to be crying.
Okay, now I need to make some computer-generated creatures die to balance things out.
21 September 2011
Long Day
Yesterday, I had class from 8:30am-1:30pm. This is normal for a Tuesday. After that, I came home and watched Apollo 13. After the movie, it was time for Salt set-up. I was there to help with set-up, but had to take a test at 6:30, so I couldn't run lyrics. Unfortunately, the projector wasn't projecting. I spent a while trying everything--reconnecting cables, switching VGA splitters, turning the projector on and off, restarting ProPresenter. Everything, that is, except changing the mini dvi to vga adaptor. Veritas actually has two of these adaptors--one that works, and one that doesn't. Just before I had to leave, I decided to check that. I switched the church's adaptor with the one I bought when I got my computer (which I conveniently put in my backpack and haven't ever actually used it). It worked, so I left mine hooked up, then checked the computer bag for the good one. I completed the trade by taking both of the church's adaptors. So I traded a working adaptor for another working one, and got a broken one as a bonus.
After all of that, I went to my test. I think I did well, even without considering that there are 140 points possible, and the test is graded out of 100 points (though anything over 100 isn't extra credit, it's just ignored).
Following my test, it was time for Salt. When Lance talked about having your biggest secret on display for everyone to see, I felt like I was going to throw up. And those of you that have read this blog from the beginning know that I've admitted to far more than most people ever would.
After Salt was a bonfire/cider/hangout gathering. I had homework that I needed to do, but I stayed there until most people had left. Well, when I got home, I started doing the homework. I intended to do all of it, and possibly just stay up all night instead of getting what little sleep I could, but our internet went down after I finished the first problem, so I gave up and went to bed--this was around 1am.
This morning, while waiting for my first class to start, I sent an email. The reason was that last night, the lights techie asked whether I was going back to run lyrics at Veritas the weekend of the retreat, and I told her I didn't know. This confused her a little, since she had been told that the "old people" were going to be going back early to setup and run church, and I'm older than she is, but I hadn't heard anything about this plan. Anyway, the email was about that, wondering what the plan for the retreat was, and the plan for Salt for the near future (the only thing I was scheduled for the rest of the semester was Veritas). A little under 2 hours later, the creative arts director sent out an email with the plan for the retreat. So, being the squeaky wheel helped a little today.
On a completely unrelated topic, I got the Mighty Ducks movies on DVD today. I ordered them the same time as my new shoes, but they took 5 days longer to arrive (though I actually got them 4 days after my shoes since no one was home to accept delivery for my shoes).
After all of that, I went to my test. I think I did well, even without considering that there are 140 points possible, and the test is graded out of 100 points (though anything over 100 isn't extra credit, it's just ignored).
Following my test, it was time for Salt. When Lance talked about having your biggest secret on display for everyone to see, I felt like I was going to throw up. And those of you that have read this blog from the beginning know that I've admitted to far more than most people ever would.
After Salt was a bonfire/cider/hangout gathering. I had homework that I needed to do, but I stayed there until most people had left. Well, when I got home, I started doing the homework. I intended to do all of it, and possibly just stay up all night instead of getting what little sleep I could, but our internet went down after I finished the first problem, so I gave up and went to bed--this was around 1am.
This morning, while waiting for my first class to start, I sent an email. The reason was that last night, the lights techie asked whether I was going back to run lyrics at Veritas the weekend of the retreat, and I told her I didn't know. This confused her a little, since she had been told that the "old people" were going to be going back early to setup and run church, and I'm older than she is, but I hadn't heard anything about this plan. Anyway, the email was about that, wondering what the plan for the retreat was, and the plan for Salt for the near future (the only thing I was scheduled for the rest of the semester was Veritas). A little under 2 hours later, the creative arts director sent out an email with the plan for the retreat. So, being the squeaky wheel helped a little today.
On a completely unrelated topic, I got the Mighty Ducks movies on DVD today. I ordered them the same time as my new shoes, but they took 5 days longer to arrive (though I actually got them 4 days after my shoes since no one was home to accept delivery for my shoes).
16 September 2011
Sorry ladies
Spotted this on the first floor, west side of the Chemistry Building:
Looks like you need to be authorized to use this particular restroom. The men's room is on the same side of the door as this sign, so the guys are okay. Also, just after I took this picture, someone came out the door, so I calmly turned around and walked away. I kinda wonder what he thought I was doing.
Side note: now, thanks to Blogger getting an app, I no longer have to actually connect my iPod to my computer to be able to write a post with pictures. I can start it on my iPod, save it as a draft including any pictures, and finish it on my laptop.
12 September 2011
Psychological issues
So, recently I've been telling people about one of my big fears. As some people know, I have (a form of) aquaphobia--the fear of water or drowning. I have a really strong fear of drowning. This extends to the point where having water on my face is unbearable (most of the time--I'll explain the exceptions below). As I've mentioned before, I'm okay with being in water, even when I forget to take my iPod and phone out of my pockets. As long as my face doesn't get wet, I'm fine.
I used to be fine with water. Up through the 5th grade, I could even swim. And when swimming was part of freshman gym class, I was able to get into the water. However, by that point, I had forgotten how to swim.
In case you're wondering, yes I have nearly drowned in my youth. The closest was the time I was nearly killed by someone trying to save my life--I won't go into that now, maybe in a future post. There were a few others where almost nothing happened, so they'll only get a passing mention. Then there was the time that I only know about because my mom told me about it. I was wearing one of those floaty rings when I fell in the pool and got stuck upside down. My mom and my aunt each grabbed an ankle and pulled me out. All of these happened by 5th grade (at the latest) so I'm not sure why the fear showed up later, but whatever.
Anyway, the main exception to the extreme discomfort at having water in my face is when it's raining. I love rain, and jumping in puddles afterwards. Yet, showering is a different story--I just can't seem to bring my face under the water. So, yes, that means my face is the least often washed part of my body.
Now you'll notice the title is plural. So what else am I going to tell about, you ask? Well, it's simple. This most recently came up yesterday, but it's a semi-common occurrence. The church was having a picnic/gathering for its one-year anniversary, and I passed up on having food. I told some people that I wasn't hungry. While that was true, it was more a symptom of the reason than the reason itself. The real reason (which I told at least one person) is that I can't eat around a lot of people. If it's a small group, I'm fine, but as soon as it becomes a group of ~20 people or more, I'm suddenly not hungry anymore. Get me away from the group, and I'm hungry again. The one exception to this seems to be pizza. With pizza, I can just go to town and eat more than some groups of three (or more).
Well, now you know a little more of what makes this guy tick. Maybe next time I'll talk about the real reasons I often don't go to events/gatherings, why my pockets often accumulate random garbage (and by garbage, I do mean garbage), why I don't like phones, or an in-depth analysis of Inception. Aren't you glad you read this?
I used to be fine with water. Up through the 5th grade, I could even swim. And when swimming was part of freshman gym class, I was able to get into the water. However, by that point, I had forgotten how to swim.
In case you're wondering, yes I have nearly drowned in my youth. The closest was the time I was nearly killed by someone trying to save my life--I won't go into that now, maybe in a future post. There were a few others where almost nothing happened, so they'll only get a passing mention. Then there was the time that I only know about because my mom told me about it. I was wearing one of those floaty rings when I fell in the pool and got stuck upside down. My mom and my aunt each grabbed an ankle and pulled me out. All of these happened by 5th grade (at the latest) so I'm not sure why the fear showed up later, but whatever.
Anyway, the main exception to the extreme discomfort at having water in my face is when it's raining. I love rain, and jumping in puddles afterwards. Yet, showering is a different story--I just can't seem to bring my face under the water. So, yes, that means my face is the least often washed part of my body.
Now you'll notice the title is plural. So what else am I going to tell about, you ask? Well, it's simple. This most recently came up yesterday, but it's a semi-common occurrence. The church was having a picnic/gathering for its one-year anniversary, and I passed up on having food. I told some people that I wasn't hungry. While that was true, it was more a symptom of the reason than the reason itself. The real reason (which I told at least one person) is that I can't eat around a lot of people. If it's a small group, I'm fine, but as soon as it becomes a group of ~20 people or more, I'm suddenly not hungry anymore. Get me away from the group, and I'm hungry again. The one exception to this seems to be pizza. With pizza, I can just go to town and eat more than some groups of three (or more).
Well, now you know a little more of what makes this guy tick. Maybe next time I'll talk about the real reasons I often don't go to events/gatherings, why my pockets often accumulate random garbage (and by garbage, I do mean garbage), why I don't like phones, or an in-depth analysis of Inception. Aren't you glad you read this?
08 September 2011
Hello world!
Just a short post here. We finally have internet at our place! Okay, so it's actually the neighbors that have internet, and they're just kind enough to let us have the password. But anyway, no more taking over a table at Java House or running in early or staying late or being forced to go into town on a Saturday or taking my computer to church to download homework files or going to friends' houses to mooch internet. I can sit right here in my recliner and type all the gibberish that comes into my head. One side effect of that is that I'll likely be blogging more.
On a side note, I did get my homework done before connection group, so I could go to bed now if I wanted, but I won't. I'll end up getting less sleep than normal again tonight, and being exhausted all day tomorrow. Low sleep always helps when you're trying to quit caffeine for about the tenth time.
On a side note, I did get my homework done before connection group, so I could go to bed now if I wanted, but I won't. I'll end up getting less sleep than normal again tonight, and being exhausted all day tomorrow. Low sleep always helps when you're trying to quit caffeine for about the tenth time.
Sleep is for the weekend
In my last post, I said that I was operating on only 5 hours' sleep yesterday. Well, after all my classes, I had homework that I decided I should work on, since it's due tomorrow, and tonight is connection group. This involved another late night (for me) of homework, and at one point, I had my TI-86 and my TI-36X calculators out, and my computer was open to wikipedia. All to solve one problem. I made a mistake somewhere while writing the last problem on that assignment, but I didn't want to spend the time to hunt it down, so I gave up on it and went to bed. This morning, I left for class, and after I got there, I realized that I had left my lab goggles at home, which meant that I couldn't go to lab unless I spent an hour and a half going home, retrieving them, and returning, so half the lab would be over by then. So now I get to work on what I needed to do today on Tuesday.
This afternoon, I get to work on more homework that's due tomorrow, then break for connection group, then back to homework (though I hope to be done before that--which is, sadly, very unlikely). This may end up being three consecutive late nights, thanks to that stupid "I want to be a better student" garbage.
At least I can sleep on Saturday.
This afternoon, I get to work on more homework that's due tomorrow, then break for connection group, then back to homework (though I hope to be done before that--which is, sadly, very unlikely). This may end up being three consecutive late nights, thanks to that stupid "I want to be a better student" garbage.
At least I can sleep on Saturday.
07 September 2011
5 hours is not enough
At my connection group last week, we were talking about what we want to accomplish this semester, whether personal or spiritual. One of the things I mentioned was that I needed to work on being a better student. I have a habit of simply quitting on school when it gets boring, and only going to class.
Well, last night (and this morning) was a test of that. I have a homework due at 9:30, and I hadn't checked on what it actually entailed until on the bus ride home between class and Salt yesterday. It turns out it was a one-page paper. Not good. I didn't have much time between class and Salt, and I don't have access to a printer at home. So I was going to have to stay up late and come in early in order to get it done. If I hadn't said that I needed to work on being a better student, I likely would have simply not done it. But no, I stayed up past midnight getting it done, then up at 5:30 so I could get ready for the 6:38 bus. 5 hours sleep. Blah.
After getting that homework printed out, I checked my email. There was something from Kirkwood. It was telling me that since I'm not enrolled there, and I received student loans, that I will need to start paying those at the end of the 6-month grace period. I checked the student loan website, and it seems to say nothing about that, noting that my University of Iowa loans have been added to my bill--and no mention of the Exit Counseling that Kirkwood says I have to take, and should have the option to take. I'm still going to call the offices later to make sure I'm not in deep trouble, but it should be fine. Still, 5 hours is not enough sleep to deal with that kind of scare.
(And in case you're wondering, I've already gotten homework that's due tomorrow done, so coming in early has gotten me ahead)
Well, last night (and this morning) was a test of that. I have a homework due at 9:30, and I hadn't checked on what it actually entailed until on the bus ride home between class and Salt yesterday. It turns out it was a one-page paper. Not good. I didn't have much time between class and Salt, and I don't have access to a printer at home. So I was going to have to stay up late and come in early in order to get it done. If I hadn't said that I needed to work on being a better student, I likely would have simply not done it. But no, I stayed up past midnight getting it done, then up at 5:30 so I could get ready for the 6:38 bus. 5 hours sleep. Blah.
After getting that homework printed out, I checked my email. There was something from Kirkwood. It was telling me that since I'm not enrolled there, and I received student loans, that I will need to start paying those at the end of the 6-month grace period. I checked the student loan website, and it seems to say nothing about that, noting that my University of Iowa loans have been added to my bill--and no mention of the Exit Counseling that Kirkwood says I have to take, and should have the option to take. I'm still going to call the offices later to make sure I'm not in deep trouble, but it should be fine. Still, 5 hours is not enough sleep to deal with that kind of scare.
(And in case you're wondering, I've already gotten homework that's due tomorrow done, so coming in early has gotten me ahead)
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