I can be a real jerk sometimes

....and last night was one of those times. I was sitting in my apartment around 7:00, watching the special features discs for the Lord of the Rings extended edition (all the behind-the-scenes stuff) and I happened to look out the window. Across the street were a couple of people reading some papers and exchanging this large bouquet of flowers. I quickly discerned that they were filming something, but I had no idea what.

Whatever it was, I felt the need to mess with them, so I got out my laser pointer. That last sentence makes it sound simple, but with the way I am, getting out my laser pointer is a somewhat long process. First, I must take it out of the bubble wrap sleeve it was shipped in--how I haven't popped it all by this point is beyond me--then remove the white outer box. Then I have to open the silver-colored box, which is a lot like the box that a necklace would come in. Inside this box is the laser pointer itself, with a place to put the batteries, so they'll last longer, which is how I store it--this means I then have to unscrew the cap on the laser pointer, put in the batteries, and screw the little cap back on.

Now that I had my laser pointer ready, I waited until they were facing away from me, and aimed in front of them. I only had it on for a second or two at a time, then would turn it off before they turned around. Every time they'd look back, I'd laugh to myself, knowing they couldn't see me. After a while, they began to look right back in my direction, so I think they knew where I was--however, by this point they were joined by four or five other people, so it was too much fun for me to care that they knew.

At one point, they disappeared, but the bouquet of flowers was still visible, so I didn't think they had gone far. After about 10 minutes of waiting for them to reappear, I just put away the laser pointer--fully reversing the process mentioned above--and went back to watching the behind-the-scenes of Lord of the Rings. I looked back out later, only to see that they were back, so I got the laser pointer out again, but by the time I got it ready, I was bored with the idea, so I just watched what they were doing.

I have no idea what it was they were filming, but they had a manic energy that is only found in either freshmen (or high schoolers) or last-semester seniors. Whatever it was, it looked really funny without any kind of sound. I may have to look out my window more often.

You want me to go where? Seriously? You're kidding, right?

Last night at Salt, I was convicted by the message about doing God's will. I've been hiding from His will, because it scares me. During the closing worship, I was praying and the phrase "wherever you want me" came up.

Minutes later, there was an announcement. Salt is forming a kind of "Salt Company East" at the U of I. My immediate reaction was "No. Not happening. Anywhere but there" so of course, I was one of about a dozen people there talking and praying about the possibility of going until 11:30. I didn't want to go because I was raised wearing cardinal and gold, and was taught not to associate with those wearing black and gold unless I had to.

This morning, I woke up, still thinking that I'd rather go anywhere but there. "Send me to a place without indoor plumbing, or electricity. Just not there." When I took my shower, there was no hot water. I'm not going to wait for the power outage. As of ~8:45 this morning, I'm in. We'll see if that's really what He wants for me.

Twilight

So, for those of you who have been reading this blog since the start, you know I'm (mildly) obsessed with vampires--for the rest of you, check the last paragraph in this post and all of this post. Anyway, I realized today that the new Twilight movie is coming out tonight. I only know this because the Daily devoted most of its opinion pages to it. I refuse to patronize that piece of trash they call a vampire/romance movie--please excuse the anger, this just gets me worked up.

I don't like that they claim there are vampires in it. The characters in that movie are further from vampires than I am. They can be out in the sun with no problems--they should die instantly--and they can choose whether or not to drink blood--which would cause a real vampire to die in a matter of days, because vampires cannot manufacture red blood cells. And what's this I've heard about the main "vampire" not wanting to bite his girlfriend because he loves her? So, instead of biting her once so she lives forever with him as a vampire, he lets her continue being mortal, watching her age and eventually has to watch her die? That doesn't sound like love to me. Love is never wanting to be parted from someone, not being afraid to do one small thing for them. So yeah, I even have a problem with the "romance" angle of the movie/novels. He doesn't really love her, he's just pretending to. Although, since I've made the case that he's not a real vampire anyway, he can't make her live forever by biting her, so that point is moot.

Why do Twilight and shows/movies/novels like it work me up as much as they do? Let me put it this way. What Twilight does with vampires would be like having zombies stop in the middle of the zombie apocalypse and have a tea party with the remaining humans; or like Frankenstein's creature--Frankenstein is the man, not the creation, however, my opinion is that Frankenstein is the real monster of the story, but that's a completely different rant--building a bonfire on the beach, playing guitar, and singing Kumbaya while teenagers dance around and sing with him; or like Godzilla traveling to Tokyo to do some sightseeing and take pictures, without destroying a single building. The "vampires" in Twilight and the other garbage like it are completely unvampirelike and I'm tired of people referring to the characters as vampires.

Anyway, for those of you who actually like that stuff, I still like you, I just don't understand how you can like it. Don't try to explain it to me, though--you won't get anywhere.

I think it's time to go back to my place and have some vittles--my stomach's telling me it's way past time to eat.

Nerdy post

Okay, this post is going to be about something that's been on my mind for the past couple days--I'm not sure why, it just has been. I apologize in advance for anyone left scratching their heads after this, and I'll do my best to make this understandable.

I've been thinking a lot about the matter-antimatter disparity in our universe. I'm wondering how the "Ask an Atheist" group out by the library would answer it--so if you see them, let me know.

Before the full explanation, I'll define a few phrases that I'll be using:

All energy: The sum total of mass and energy in the universe (which, according to Einstein's most famous equation, are the same)

Other uses of the word energy: the pre-Einstein definition of energy--no mass involved

Mass: The total of matter and antimatter in the universe (or highly-concentrated energy)



Now to the explanation of the problem:

Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state
Then nearly fourteen billion years ago, expansion started. Wait....

Sorry, I couldn't resist. Anyway, before the horrendous space kablooie--what Calvin in Calvin & Hobbes calls the big bang--all energy was contained in a small space. Then came the big bang, and all energy rushed out in all directions.

After a short time, energy began to condense into mass. Through conservation of baryon number (the total number of quarks: +1; and anti-quarks: -1) this can only happen by creating a quark/anti-quark pair, which should mutually annihilate and go back to energy. Somehow--as someone with a strong science background, this word makes me want to tear my hair out--conservation of baryon number ceased to be observed, and 1 out of 30,000,000 times--according to what I've read--only a quark was formed.

There have been no experiments to date that have shown how baryon number can change, and the only theories that can be tested with technology available now only cause more questions than answers. All other theories involve ultrahigh-energy reactions, which our particle accelerators are too weak to test.

I know my answer to this problem, and the answer of most of the people that read this: God isn't constricted by physical laws. However, I am interested in hearing an explanation that doesn't mention a higher power.

Now if you don't mind, I need to buy some food, and a new belt--the extra length after it goes around my waist is enough to reach my knees.

Riddle....and an apology

First the riddle. How can a man put on clean clothes in the morning after his shower, get no closer to gasoline than riding in the front seat of a minivan, and have his jeans smell like gas when he takes them off to sleep at night?

Give up? No? Too bad. I'm giving you the answer anyway. The gas has soaked into his skin. I've taken 3 showers since Stadium Cleanup, but it doesn't stop the smell.

My blower had a leak which wasn't stopped until I had made my way the length of the stadium (and running back) three or four times, because I didn't know where it was leaking. This left a large stain on the back of my shirt, and my pants. A little while after the leak was stopped, my back started hurting, about belt-high, on the left side (near where the leak was). I didn't think about it at the time, but last night, after realizing I still smelled like gas, I checked the mirror. There were chemical burns right where the pain was. This spot is also where the source of the gas smell is, so I can only come to the conclusion that the gas dissolved some of my skin, and has absorbed into what's left.

So now to the apology. For anybody that gets stuck around me before the smell fades (or before I find a way to get rid of it--going to buy some charcoal, which should work) I'm sorry for the gas smell. You can be sure that it's making me feel a lot worse than it's making you feel.

Pizza has turned evil

Okay, this actually is not from the journal, like the other three posts today. This is events from the first day back from being unplugged, and this morning.

I decided to order a pizza for myself, since I've now lost 50 pounds. I know, it's counterproductive, since I'm still 40 pounds from my weight goal, but I wanted pizza.

Pizza is one of those foods where once I've started, I have a hard time putting it away. I kept going back to the box every 45 minutes or so, until I had eaten 3/4 of the pizza. About an hour after my last slice of the night, my body decided to tell me it didn't like pizza anymore. I started having sharp pains in my stomach, and spent the evening on my futon, clutching my abdomen.

The only explanation I can think of is that during my weight loss, I reduced my dairy intake, and my mild problem digesting lactose (you didn't want to be in the same room as me after I had a lot of dairy) has become an intolerance. I can still consume small amounts, but too much and I'm lying down in pain.

Anyway, this morning, I went to get a glass of milk, and just the smell of the pizza brought back the pain--it's like my body didn't want me to forget the intense pain from last night. I didn't want that to keep going for long, so I went ahead and finished off the pizza before coming out here to write all these posts, in the hope that the pizza smell will dissipate faster, and it won't hurt me to open my fridge anymore.

Speaking of the pains, they're starting up again. I guess one glass of milk and two slices of pizza is too much lactose. Ow.

My legs hurt

On Tuesday, I tore a loose piece off of my jeans. This led to me exclaiming "Yarr. I am stronger than denim."

Tuesday night is connection group, so I went to that. On the way out, I fell down the stairs. Falling down stairs is such a common occurrence with me that I've learned how to fall properly to minimize injury. Unfortunately, the foot of the stairs was about two feet away from the wall, so I had to worry about hitting my head, and neglected to control my extremities. I got up limping, and headed out to the car of the guy who offered to drive me home.

When I got back to my place, I rolled up my pant legs to check the damage. Both knees were beginning to form bruises, and there was a golf ball-sized patch of skin missing from just below my right knee--almost down to the point of bleeding. After a little while, I noticed that my leg was swelling near the skinned portion, and began to laugh. I'm not sure how I can laugh when I'm hurt--I can't seem to laugh when anyone else is hurt, just me--maybe I'm just insane.

Shortly after, I was walking around my apartment, to keep my knees from seizing up, and realized that most of the pain from walking was from my jeans brushing up against the injuries, so I removed them.

I checked my jeans, and sure enough, there was my skin on the inside. The jeans were completely unharmed. Maybe I'm not stronger than denim.

The long walk

I got a little bored on the evening of the 30th, so I decided to go for a walk. I asked myself where I wanted to go--see, I'm talking to myself again, it's not healthy--and I responded with "To the great white north" even though I was sure I'd collapse long before I got to Canada. Anyway, I got near the corner of Union & Welch, and standing under the streetlight was a man. I looked away for a couple seconds, and he was gone--no running footsteps, no cars came, and he didn't have a bike or anything--so I can only assume he was a ghost. I kept walking, and when I got near Freddy, a train was passing over the bridge, so I got to walk under a train. I continued north, and as I was passing UV, one of the guys from my connection group came out and asked me if I wanted a ride somewhere. Since I was just walking to walk, I declined.

I got near Schlitter, and the sidewalk started to lead me away from the street. I began to get a little scared as it led me further and further away from the street, even when I told it not to. I ran back to the street and walked along in the grass. I turned right at the next corner, so I was now walking just north of Schlitter. After a little while, I had no idea where I was, and movie quotes started popping into my head. "Aye, we're good and lost now." followed closely by "All I know is there's a beep on this thing, and I'm trying to get us there." I realized that those quotes come from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End and Armageddon, and wondered about the omen.

A little while later, I knew where I was. I was right near the apartment of that nice, young couple that lives out by the mall. Their lights were off--I found out later they were in Colorado--so I decided to walk around the mall a little, then turned around to walk home.

When I got back to Schlitter, my legs were starting to get tired, but I was almost back home, so I kept walking. I took a different route back through campus, so I wouldn't risk seeing the ghost at Union & Welch again, and saw the Medieval Fighting Club on central campus.

When I got back to my place--two and a half hours after I left--I sang "Into the West" (the song that plays during the first part of the closing credits of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King), had some Pop-Tarts, read a little in my Bible, and went to bed.

Dreams are weird

Okay, this post is all about a weird dream I had. It was during my second nap of the day on the 30th, and it went a little something like this:

I was trying to get to a computer lab on the second floor of some building (I didn't recognize what building it was) and I was traveling on the outside of the building, trying to get to a door. This required hopping over railings and walking on ledges that were about four inches wide. I got to the door that I was going to enter the building by, and I realized I would be breaking the "Unplugged" fast. As I'm straddling a railing, wondering whether or not to go ahead anyway, a van pulls up beneath me. It looked like a nice, ordinary van, and some people shouted up to me, asking if I wanted a ride back to ?? (I don't remember where). I said sure, and started to walk down the wide, concrete spiral to the ground.

When I got down to ground level, the van looked different. It kind of looked like a pickup, with a really high bed--I couldn't see over the top. I walked over, climbed onto the back bumper, and saw that the inside of the bed was contoured like a hot tub, but there was no water. I slid in on my stomach, head first.

Then I noticed a few people were talking--the two girls that went to India this past summer and the guy with the dreads that works at Cafe Milo were the only three I recognized--because apparently, there wasn't enough room in the back for everyone. The guy with the dreads volunteered (reluctantly) to ride in the cab. Everybody seemed very sad about this turn of events, so I was about to offer to ride in the cab when I woke up.

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That's my dream. I have no idea what any of it means, so if anyone's got some insight, please let me know.

It feels weird to be back at a computer....

I've gotten used to putting my thoughts down on paper. Luckily, I haven't forgotten how to type--at least, not completely--in the past week. Anyway, during my "unplugged" phase, I've been keeping a journal. Today's post is just going to be a bunch of excerpts from this journal. The will be in the order they appear in the journal, so it's somewhat chronological. They will also be out of context, and in the original Gibberish. I'm sorry for those of you that don't speak Gibberish, but I don't want to hurt those that do. These excerpts will not be explained, either. Tomorrow, I'll be back and start telling crazy stories that are recorded within the pages. Until those are completed, no one will be allowed to peruse the original manuscript. I'm sorry, I have to be tough sometimes. Here goes:

• MISSED BUS DUE TO BUBBLE WRAP
• fluffy slippers would be awesome
• ended up getting offered a ride back to ?? in a van that had been converted into something that looked like a pickup with a hot tub in the back
• saw ghost at corner of Union + Welch
• realized I had just quoted PotC: At World's End and Armageddon in succession. got worried at the omen
• sang Into the West while writing all this down
• You heard me, the answer to life, the universe and everything away
• My eyes are tinged with gray.
• Maybe there is some good soil in me
• Eyes were back to a happy blue color
• Now am sure God likes to prove to me that I'm wrong.
• Perhaps this should be a regular thing
• Asian beetles don't like Febreeze
• "God is great."
• This has been an interesting week so far.
• Lancelot and Elaine are bullies. someone had to put them in their place
• It's like being a giant hot dog....Mmm. Hot Dog.
• I just have to wait for my shirt to dry before I can put it back on.
• Yarr. I am stronger than denim.
• Stairs were too close to wall, so was unable to concentrate on how to fall properly
• It hurts less to walk without pants than with pants
• some ice packs would be nice
• Going to wear mismatched shoes at Salt
• We're not in decent places
• Is it weird that I'm learning Hebrew from the footnotes as I read the OT?
• Men (without children) who are twenty-...three years old should not use the word "tummy".
• Being normal is just weird
• Mine had my name and "382 days and counting" on it.
• Got stuck at the top of the seesaw with just one person on the other end. I'm not used to that.