So yesterday around this time (noon), I decided to watch all three Pirates of the Caribbean movies in a row. Not wanting to waste time, I started right away. About an hour into the first movie, I got a phone call--I know, I didn't turn my cell phone to vibrate during the movies, for shame--inviting me to go to church that evening and then go see Up at the dollar theater (a misnomer, really, since a movie at the dollar theater costs two dollars, but whatever). I said I didn't have any money to spare at the moment. I did have $10, but that was earmarked for the Anthem CD, and was given to me for that express purpose by the lead singer/guitar player.
He said it was okay, and he'd pay for me to see the movie, so I went--having to stop with the cliffhanger ending of Dead Man's Chest. Lo and behold, there were singing (and dancing) pirates at church. They were hilarious.
After church, I got my CD and we went to see Up. The previews do not do this movie justice. They make it seem mildly funny--and only that funny to little children--with poor physics. The poor physics part is true, but it didn't bother me because I was too busy laughing. The talking dog that is seen in the previews (there are a few dozen in the movie) reminded me (and the couple that paid for my ticket) of the large singing pirate from church. "Hi there. I have just met you and I love you." Classic. The only problem was that dog also said "I will not bite you." The large singing pirate would never say that, and would in fact, bite you.
After the movie, we went back to their place for ice cream--the first indulgence I've had from my diet in about a week. We talked for a while, those two being their usual goofy selves, and me mostly just laughing.
About 10, we were all feeling tired, so I got a lift home. I should have just read my bible and gone straight to bed, but instead I put in the Anthem CD. I listened to it all the way through, then read my bible while tracks 1 through 4 played again, and went to bed about midnight.
This morning, I finished up Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, thus completing (maybe) my pirate-y weekend.
30 August 2009
28 August 2009
Back on the Job Hunt
Today, I got a coupon to get a haircut for $11, so I figured I should take it. I put on a nice polo shirt and headed out, intending to apply at a few places on the way back. My hair is now shorter than it has been since 2001--when I shaved my head.
Of course, since I was looking nearly my best, everywhere I went to apply simply told me, "Applications are online." Dang. Oh well, I still look good, if a little weird--at least to me.
For $11, the haircut experience was pretty good. There were about 10 TVs in the place, all showing ESPN. One was even close enough so I could read the words on the screen without my glasses (without my glasses, I can't tell if I have fingernails when I hold my hand at arm's length).
Anyway, I should get back to my place, and get ready for Friday Football. I missed that over the summer.
Of course, since I was looking nearly my best, everywhere I went to apply simply told me, "Applications are online." Dang. Oh well, I still look good, if a little weird--at least to me.
For $11, the haircut experience was pretty good. There were about 10 TVs in the place, all showing ESPN. One was even close enough so I could read the words on the screen without my glasses (without my glasses, I can't tell if I have fingernails when I hold my hand at arm's length).
Anyway, I should get back to my place, and get ready for Friday Football. I missed that over the summer.
27 August 2009
The Pit
So, I've been looking for a job, as most who read this already know, and I haven't gotten anything. Well, I did get a preliminary interview with McDonalds, and they said they'd give me a real one the next week, but nothing.
I've noticed a bad trend the past few days. I'm going out less and less, and sleeping more and more--up to 5 naps a day. I'm getting very discouraged at the complete lack of information. I'm beginning to hate my cell phone, thinking "What's the point in picking it up today? It won't ring." I'm starting to feel that shutting off my alarm and just going back to bed wouldn't be a bad idea. Not good thoughts with the rent hanging over my head like a 10-ton weight. I'm spending the days in a state of semi-consciousness, just the narrowest margin away from napping wherever I happen to be at the moment. I'm even starting to wonder if coming back to Ames was the best idea.
I don't like all this. I've been here before. It's my nice little pit of despair. I feel like I keep trying to climb back into the light, but every time I get close, I slide back down again--and I'm starting to get tired of the climb. The headlights on Lincoln Way were looking much too friendly for comfort.
I've noticed a bad trend the past few days. I'm going out less and less, and sleeping more and more--up to 5 naps a day. I'm getting very discouraged at the complete lack of information. I'm beginning to hate my cell phone, thinking "What's the point in picking it up today? It won't ring." I'm starting to feel that shutting off my alarm and just going back to bed wouldn't be a bad idea. Not good thoughts with the rent hanging over my head like a 10-ton weight. I'm spending the days in a state of semi-consciousness, just the narrowest margin away from napping wherever I happen to be at the moment. I'm even starting to wonder if coming back to Ames was the best idea.
I don't like all this. I've been here before. It's my nice little pit of despair. I feel like I keep trying to climb back into the light, but every time I get close, I slide back down again--and I'm starting to get tired of the climb. The headlights on Lincoln Way were looking much too friendly for comfort.
22 August 2009
My Story
I've mentioned my God story in an earlier post, so I thought I'd share it today. After that, I will have some things related to it, but not enough to be included. Because of that, this will be longer than most of my previous posts, so hang in there. If you want to skip to where I start moving from atheist to Cristian, the next two paragraphs are just lead-ins to that.
When I was little, I thought I was a Christian, because most of my extended family was. As I grew, I started putting my faith into science, and God could not be proven either way. It didn't help that I saw "Christians" being idiots, either. In high school, I was hanging out in the library one day, we somehow got onto the subject of religion. I mentioned that I was an atheist, and the first response I got was "You're going to hell." Just like that. Good job, guy. Threaten me with a place I don't believe in for not believing in it or the things that imply its existence. That'll work. I don't remember having talked to him after that.
Also, at my high school graduation, the stuff really hit the fan. Our class president was gay and was receiving a scholarship for being a gay man. He was elected because he was as close to a football star our school had (they won 2 games my senior year, and hadn't won since my freshman year before those 2). Fred Phelps--PAUSE WHILE MOST PEOPLE SHAKE THEIR HEADS--decided this was the most evil thing that could happen, so he and his posse came up to protest. There was a counter-protest, pies were thrown on Phelps's people....good times. I sank further into atheism, thinking "If there really was a God, He wouldn't let these idiots represent Him."
I came to college, and started meeting people, and listening to why they believed what they believed--mostly because I couldn't understand why they would believe that. It didn't really change anything, just helped fill in why people could believe those things.
My 5th year of college, soon after moving in, I went to visit the only person I knew that had been on the floor the year before. I met his two roommates, and started hanging out there regularly. One night, I somehow joined their Bible Study. I showed up, and they told me there was going to be a Bible Study group there in a few minutes, but I could stay if I wanted. I ended up staying, and started showing up every week. It filled in more of the steps to belief for me, so I could understand how they could believe, but some of those steps seemed impossible to make.
They kept asking if I wanted to go to Salt, but I couldn't. I was the Treasurer of the Chemistry Club here, and that met half an hour before Salt did. I had to go to those meetings. It was also a convenient excuse to avoid going where I didn't want to.
One Thursday, I woke up late--I didn't have any classes on Thursdays then--and was hanging out in my room, waiting for Chem Club. Around 2:30, I checked my email and found out it wasn't meeting. "What am I going to do tonight?" I wondered. Salt never crossed my mind. After a short time, I got bored, and did what I always did when I was bored--went to check out what was happening in the triple dorm. The only one there was the one that got engaged this past week, and he asked if I was coming to Salt tonight. I said, "Well, Chem Club's canceled...." and just trailed off, not saying yes or no. The oldest roommate's then-girlfriend (now his wife) came in with his laundry, and as she was leaving, the guy that just got engaged told her that I was coming to Salt that night. She got this huge smile on her face, and I felt backed into a corner. I said I'd go, knowing that I'd hate it and never want to go again--PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER--and everyone would drop the subject--PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER.
When it came time to go, the now-married roommate picked me and another guy up and we headed out. The other guy asked where the girlfriend was, and the driver responded, "She had to bring two girls with her, so she's taking her car instead." "Great." I thought, "I've forced another car to make this trip, and I'm not going to get anything out of it." --YET ANOTHER PAUSE FOR THOSE THAT KNOW WHAT HAPPENS LATER--
We got there, and sat down. The opening worship went on, with me mostly ignoring it. The head of Salt got up to give the message, and I spent most of the time looking at my watch, waiting for it all to end so I could go home. After what seemed like a lifetime, he announced that he would bring someone up to share his story, then the band would play, and we could all go home. "Finally!" I thought. "It's almost over!"
Another guy got up and started sharing his story--running with a bad crowd, blah blah blah. I was ignoring it until he started talking about his relationship--a long-distance relationship with an older woman. His was with a woman a year older, and 150 miles (I think) away. I'm thinking, "Oh, yeah? Try six and a half years older, and 1000 miles away." Now he's got my full attention. He talked about how it seemed like they were in different worlds, and I'm agreeing. Then he said they drifted apart and she broke up with him. My heart skipped a beat. He told that he slipped into a suicidal depression that lasted two months. My heart just about stopped.
I broke down and cried during the end worship. I kept stopping myself, but then I'd think of everything that had to come together for me to hear that guy speaking, and I'd break down again. The two guys that had ridden up with me went off to a small room, and I talked about how hard that had hit me, and they prayed over me.
I couldn't get to sleep until 3 that night. My head kept circling with "Did that really just happen?" "Yes, now shut up and go to sleep." "No, seriously. Did that just happen?" "YES! NOW SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP!" "But really, did that actually happen?" etc. This went on for hours, and finally I fell asleep.
I went through a week, trying not to think about it, but failing, not really getting anywhere with it. The next Thursday, I was once again asked if I was going to Salt. "No." "Come on, come to Salt." "No." "You're going to Salt tonight." "No, I'm not." As soon as he left the room, I ran away. I didn't want to experience anything like that ever again.
The following Sunday started off normal. I woke up bright and early at the crack of 11, and started watching TV. After a little bit, I got bored.... I went to see what the three guys were up to. They weren't there. I suddenly got the feeling that I HAD to get in there TODAY. I didn't know why, I just HAD to get in there. There was something I needed to do. So I'd check about every half-hour, then pace around campus.
Around 6, the big guy returned. I went in and sat down, feeling the restlessness leave me. I still didn't know why I was there, but I was there. He asked if he could read a little to me. I said okay, not really sure where it was leading. The now-married roommate returned during the reading and sat at his computer. The reading ended, and some he asked me some questions. After a little while, he asked if I was ready to accept Christ. I barely had any strength in my voice as I said yes, but it was enough to get the full attention of all two people in the room. I accepted Christ that night, right there.
Okay, now some tangents that I didn't want to go on in the middle. The first one is about the "tough crowd" thing. I didn't remember this then, so it's not included in the God story, but I was in a gang when I was younger--for about two weeks. Yes, the guy who learned to multiply before he learned to tie his shoes, the guy who took algebra in 5th grade (and got an A), the guy who has used Latin in his blog, and the guy who took Astrophysics last spring because "It would be fun." (and it was) was in a gang. After reading the guidelines on what the school district considered a gang, my friends and I started one. After about two weeks, we decided it was stupid, and never brought it up again.
The second tangent is about the depression. The older woman was always telling me that I was too good for her, so when she dumped me, I kept hearing a voice in my head "You couldn't hang on to a girl who thought YOU were too good for HER. Just face it, you'll never be a father like you want to be. Just give up and end it all. It's pointless to go on." This voice also kept telling me ways to end it. One day, I was sitting in a classroom, waiting for class to start, and it started talking again "Just bash your head open against that wall. It'll be over quick." Then I had a vision of what it would look like. The room moving quickly to the right (as I swing my head to the left and into the wall), the look on the instructor's face, the spray of blood as my head rebounds, the second swing at the wall.....and the vision ended. I was terrified. The voice started being quiet. He didn't speak up as much anymore. I believe now that that voice was The Evil One, The Enemy, etc--Satan, and the vision had come from God to scare me enough to stop listening to The Enemy, even though I wasn't a believer at the time.
When I was little, I thought I was a Christian, because most of my extended family was. As I grew, I started putting my faith into science, and God could not be proven either way. It didn't help that I saw "Christians" being idiots, either. In high school, I was hanging out in the library one day, we somehow got onto the subject of religion. I mentioned that I was an atheist, and the first response I got was "You're going to hell." Just like that. Good job, guy. Threaten me with a place I don't believe in for not believing in it or the things that imply its existence. That'll work. I don't remember having talked to him after that.
Also, at my high school graduation, the stuff really hit the fan. Our class president was gay and was receiving a scholarship for being a gay man. He was elected because he was as close to a football star our school had (they won 2 games my senior year, and hadn't won since my freshman year before those 2). Fred Phelps--PAUSE WHILE MOST PEOPLE SHAKE THEIR HEADS--decided this was the most evil thing that could happen, so he and his posse came up to protest. There was a counter-protest, pies were thrown on Phelps's people....good times. I sank further into atheism, thinking "If there really was a God, He wouldn't let these idiots represent Him."
I came to college, and started meeting people, and listening to why they believed what they believed--mostly because I couldn't understand why they would believe that. It didn't really change anything, just helped fill in why people could believe those things.
My 5th year of college, soon after moving in, I went to visit the only person I knew that had been on the floor the year before. I met his two roommates, and started hanging out there regularly. One night, I somehow joined their Bible Study. I showed up, and they told me there was going to be a Bible Study group there in a few minutes, but I could stay if I wanted. I ended up staying, and started showing up every week. It filled in more of the steps to belief for me, so I could understand how they could believe, but some of those steps seemed impossible to make.
They kept asking if I wanted to go to Salt, but I couldn't. I was the Treasurer of the Chemistry Club here, and that met half an hour before Salt did. I had to go to those meetings. It was also a convenient excuse to avoid going where I didn't want to.
One Thursday, I woke up late--I didn't have any classes on Thursdays then--and was hanging out in my room, waiting for Chem Club. Around 2:30, I checked my email and found out it wasn't meeting. "What am I going to do tonight?" I wondered. Salt never crossed my mind. After a short time, I got bored, and did what I always did when I was bored--went to check out what was happening in the triple dorm. The only one there was the one that got engaged this past week, and he asked if I was coming to Salt tonight. I said, "Well, Chem Club's canceled...." and just trailed off, not saying yes or no. The oldest roommate's then-girlfriend (now his wife) came in with his laundry, and as she was leaving, the guy that just got engaged told her that I was coming to Salt that night. She got this huge smile on her face, and I felt backed into a corner. I said I'd go, knowing that I'd hate it and never want to go again--PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER--and everyone would drop the subject--PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER.
When it came time to go, the now-married roommate picked me and another guy up and we headed out. The other guy asked where the girlfriend was, and the driver responded, "She had to bring two girls with her, so she's taking her car instead." "Great." I thought, "I've forced another car to make this trip, and I'm not going to get anything out of it." --YET ANOTHER PAUSE FOR THOSE THAT KNOW WHAT HAPPENS LATER--
We got there, and sat down. The opening worship went on, with me mostly ignoring it. The head of Salt got up to give the message, and I spent most of the time looking at my watch, waiting for it all to end so I could go home. After what seemed like a lifetime, he announced that he would bring someone up to share his story, then the band would play, and we could all go home. "Finally!" I thought. "It's almost over!"
Another guy got up and started sharing his story--running with a bad crowd, blah blah blah. I was ignoring it until he started talking about his relationship--a long-distance relationship with an older woman. His was with a woman a year older, and 150 miles (I think) away. I'm thinking, "Oh, yeah? Try six and a half years older, and 1000 miles away." Now he's got my full attention. He talked about how it seemed like they were in different worlds, and I'm agreeing. Then he said they drifted apart and she broke up with him. My heart skipped a beat. He told that he slipped into a suicidal depression that lasted two months. My heart just about stopped.
I broke down and cried during the end worship. I kept stopping myself, but then I'd think of everything that had to come together for me to hear that guy speaking, and I'd break down again. The two guys that had ridden up with me went off to a small room, and I talked about how hard that had hit me, and they prayed over me.
I couldn't get to sleep until 3 that night. My head kept circling with "Did that really just happen?" "Yes, now shut up and go to sleep." "No, seriously. Did that just happen?" "YES! NOW SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP!" "But really, did that actually happen?" etc. This went on for hours, and finally I fell asleep.
I went through a week, trying not to think about it, but failing, not really getting anywhere with it. The next Thursday, I was once again asked if I was going to Salt. "No." "Come on, come to Salt." "No." "You're going to Salt tonight." "No, I'm not." As soon as he left the room, I ran away. I didn't want to experience anything like that ever again.
The following Sunday started off normal. I woke up bright and early at the crack of 11, and started watching TV. After a little bit, I got bored.... I went to see what the three guys were up to. They weren't there. I suddenly got the feeling that I HAD to get in there TODAY. I didn't know why, I just HAD to get in there. There was something I needed to do. So I'd check about every half-hour, then pace around campus.
Around 6, the big guy returned. I went in and sat down, feeling the restlessness leave me. I still didn't know why I was there, but I was there. He asked if he could read a little to me. I said okay, not really sure where it was leading. The now-married roommate returned during the reading and sat at his computer. The reading ended, and some he asked me some questions. After a little while, he asked if I was ready to accept Christ. I barely had any strength in my voice as I said yes, but it was enough to get the full attention of all two people in the room. I accepted Christ that night, right there.
Okay, now some tangents that I didn't want to go on in the middle. The first one is about the "tough crowd" thing. I didn't remember this then, so it's not included in the God story, but I was in a gang when I was younger--for about two weeks. Yes, the guy who learned to multiply before he learned to tie his shoes, the guy who took algebra in 5th grade (and got an A), the guy who has used Latin in his blog, and the guy who took Astrophysics last spring because "It would be fun." (and it was) was in a gang. After reading the guidelines on what the school district considered a gang, my friends and I started one. After about two weeks, we decided it was stupid, and never brought it up again.
The second tangent is about the depression. The older woman was always telling me that I was too good for her, so when she dumped me, I kept hearing a voice in my head "You couldn't hang on to a girl who thought YOU were too good for HER. Just face it, you'll never be a father like you want to be. Just give up and end it all. It's pointless to go on." This voice also kept telling me ways to end it. One day, I was sitting in a classroom, waiting for class to start, and it started talking again "Just bash your head open against that wall. It'll be over quick." Then I had a vision of what it would look like. The room moving quickly to the right (as I swing my head to the left and into the wall), the look on the instructor's face, the spray of blood as my head rebounds, the second swing at the wall.....and the vision ended. I was terrified. The voice started being quiet. He didn't speak up as much anymore. I believe now that that voice was The Evil One, The Enemy, etc--Satan, and the vision had come from God to scare me enough to stop listening to The Enemy, even though I wasn't a believer at the time.
21 August 2009
Couple things
Okay, last night I was reading Toons--one of the best free periodicals ever--and I saw one ad that always takes me back. It's a picture of the guy that did my piercings, smiling up from the page. I thought for a little while, and realized that the tattoo/piercing parlor I went to was right next to where Jeff's Pizza is now. That's right, I live in the building where the most painful experience of my life happened. At least, the most painful experience I can remember. I don't remember how much it hurt to have a tent pole through the roof of my mouth--I was only a year old at the time.
Secondly, this morning I went to Target to get a card to refill my phone account (Hooray for pay-as-you-go plans) and I misjudged how much I needed to get out there, buy the card, and get back. I was left with 26 cents to get back--the bus is one dollar. I know, I could use my ISUCard to ride the bus for free, but it would feel like stealing since I'm not a student, and don't plan to be until next fall. So I walked the 2.3 miles (according to Google Maps) home from Target. I needed the exercise, and I felt good afterward--hungry, but good.
Now, I must return to my fortress of solitude to await the upcoming James & James concert.
Secondly, this morning I went to Target to get a card to refill my phone account (Hooray for pay-as-you-go plans) and I misjudged how much I needed to get out there, buy the card, and get back. I was left with 26 cents to get back--the bus is one dollar. I know, I could use my ISUCard to ride the bus for free, but it would feel like stealing since I'm not a student, and don't plan to be until next fall. So I walked the 2.3 miles (according to Google Maps) home from Target. I needed the exercise, and I felt good afterward--hungry, but good.
Now, I must return to my fortress of solitude to await the upcoming James & James concert.
20 August 2009
Short Post
So yesterday, after getting only 4 hours of sleep overnight, I took an afternoon nap. Where did I take it? Was it:
A. in bed
B. on my futon
C. in my comfy recliner?
That's right, the correct answer is D. the floor. It's more comfortable than you would think for a short nap.
After my nap, I went and visited people. I saw the engaged couple mentioned in the last post. They confirmed they were engaged. (I believe her more than him. I know him too well. Sorry, big guy.) So, I won't be waiting for the "GOTCHA!" anymore.
A. in bed
B. on my futon
C. in my comfy recliner?
That's right, the correct answer is D. the floor. It's more comfortable than you would think for a short nap.
After my nap, I went and visited people. I saw the engaged couple mentioned in the last post. They confirmed they were engaged. (I believe her more than him. I know him too well. Sorry, big guy.) So, I won't be waiting for the "GOTCHA!" anymore.
19 August 2009
4 hours sleep is not enough
Okay, first I need to correct something in the last post. When I said Cru is the mortal enemy of Salt, I was forgetting that computers fail at sarcasm worse than a newborn giraffe would fail a quantum physics test. Sorry about that, newborn giraffes everywhere, I'm tired and not in the mood to be politically correct to you.
Anyway, back on to the real post. Last night, I went to an engagement party for a couple of friends. I'm still not completely sure I believe it actually happened, and part of me expects them to shout "FOOLED YOU!" about a week from now--this is from the cynic in me that says you can't get engaged when you're not even dating. Congrats to them anyway. They're younger than I am, so I got that feeling that I'm old and alone again--I thought I had gotten rid of that, but that shows what I know. The spam I've been getting that says I can get a free travel bag if I sign up for AARP now doesn't help the old feeling.
--PAUSE WHILE I TRY NOT TO QUOTE FROM MONTY PYTHON AND THE QUEST FOR THE HOLY GRAIL--
-Old woman!
-Man!
-Sorry, old man!
-I'm 37!
-What?
-I'm 37, I'm not old!
-Well I can't just call you man.
-You could call me Dennis.
-I didn't know you were called Dennis.
--PAUSE WHILE I FEEL SHAME AT FAILING TO NOT QUOTE--
I also think I'm developing allergies, which is true, but it was also a good cover-up for my eyes looking like they're about to burst with tears--not sure if they really looked like it, but they felt like it.
What made me the most sad, however, was answering the old "How are you doing?" question that about half the people who talked to me asked. I could never be a professional poker player. My emotions are right out for everyone to see. Because I couldn't hide that I was feeling lousy, I felt like I had to keep rehashing the fact that my parents are getting divorced. The more I repeated this, the more I realized that I'm not as okay with it as I had thought. By 9:30, the effort it took to keep from breaking down in tears was making me exhausted, so I took off. I chose not to take the stairs up to my apartment, and I think if I had taken them, I wouldn't have made it. As it was, I made it into the elevator and broke down.
I made it back to my apartment, and finished the crying I had started in the elevator. When I was done, I felt awake again, so I decided to get back into my book--Insomnia by Stephen King. When my usual bedtime rolled around--11:00--I checked to see how far I was from the end, because it was getting exciting. Only 150 pages or so. Then I started to debate staying up and finishing it, and decided to, probably because some subconscious part of my mind knew that if I went to bed, I'd start crying again.
I finished up just before 3, and went to bed. Just as my subconscious mind suspected, I broke down again. I hate crying alone in the dark. It just makes me feel so empty.
Anyway, back on to the real post. Last night, I went to an engagement party for a couple of friends. I'm still not completely sure I believe it actually happened, and part of me expects them to shout "FOOLED YOU!" about a week from now--this is from the cynic in me that says you can't get engaged when you're not even dating. Congrats to them anyway. They're younger than I am, so I got that feeling that I'm old and alone again--I thought I had gotten rid of that, but that shows what I know. The spam I've been getting that says I can get a free travel bag if I sign up for AARP now doesn't help the old feeling.
--PAUSE WHILE I TRY NOT TO QUOTE FROM MONTY PYTHON AND THE QUEST FOR THE HOLY GRAIL--
-Old woman!
-Man!
-Sorry, old man!
-I'm 37!
-What?
-I'm 37, I'm not old!
-Well I can't just call you man.
-You could call me Dennis.
-I didn't know you were called Dennis.
--PAUSE WHILE I FEEL SHAME AT FAILING TO NOT QUOTE--
I also think I'm developing allergies, which is true, but it was also a good cover-up for my eyes looking like they're about to burst with tears--not sure if they really looked like it, but they felt like it.
What made me the most sad, however, was answering the old "How are you doing?" question that about half the people who talked to me asked. I could never be a professional poker player. My emotions are right out for everyone to see. Because I couldn't hide that I was feeling lousy, I felt like I had to keep rehashing the fact that my parents are getting divorced. The more I repeated this, the more I realized that I'm not as okay with it as I had thought. By 9:30, the effort it took to keep from breaking down in tears was making me exhausted, so I took off. I chose not to take the stairs up to my apartment, and I think if I had taken them, I wouldn't have made it. As it was, I made it into the elevator and broke down.
I made it back to my apartment, and finished the crying I had started in the elevator. When I was done, I felt awake again, so I decided to get back into my book--Insomnia by Stephen King. When my usual bedtime rolled around--11:00--I checked to see how far I was from the end, because it was getting exciting. Only 150 pages or so. Then I started to debate staying up and finishing it, and decided to, probably because some subconscious part of my mind knew that if I went to bed, I'd start crying again.
I finished up just before 3, and went to bed. Just as my subconscious mind suspected, I broke down again. I hate crying alone in the dark. It just makes me feel so empty.
17 August 2009
Pez dispenser update
All the Pez dispensers have found homes around my apartment now. Some hidden, some visible, some stalking you......
Anyway, while I was setting them up, I found an old set of pictures (yes, my camera uses film. it's not one of those new-fangled digital cameras) from my first two years at college, including some from that wild Spring Break trip to New Orleans. Ah, the memories.....so much booze, so many women.....I have never slept in a room with that many people before or since......
Now that at least some of you have the wrong idea about that trip, it was actually the spring break after Hurricane Katrina. I went down with a bunch of people from Cru (I know, they're Salt's mortal enemies, but they do do some good things every once in a while) to help clear some of the debris. We were gutting houses (and one convenience shop--hence the booze) in the 9th Ward--the poorest part of New Orleans. We stayed in a warehouse on cots that were so close together, if you rolled over, you rolled onto your neighbor--why there were so many people sleeping in the same room, all men in that room. It was a good week, and I'm glad I went. I'll always have some good memories--and some painful ones, as well.
Anyway, while I was setting them up, I found an old set of pictures (yes, my camera uses film. it's not one of those new-fangled digital cameras) from my first two years at college, including some from that wild Spring Break trip to New Orleans. Ah, the memories.....so much booze, so many women.....I have never slept in a room with that many people before or since......
Now that at least some of you have the wrong idea about that trip, it was actually the spring break after Hurricane Katrina. I went down with a bunch of people from Cru (I know, they're Salt's mortal enemies, but they do do some good things every once in a while) to help clear some of the debris. We were gutting houses (and one convenience shop--hence the booze) in the 9th Ward--the poorest part of New Orleans. We stayed in a warehouse on cots that were so close together, if you rolled over, you rolled onto your neighbor--why there were so many people sleeping in the same room, all men in that room. It was a good week, and I'm glad I went. I'll always have some good memories--and some painful ones, as well.
The Pez dispensers have taken over
So, last night, I decided I'd try to set up my Pez dispensers somewhere. The question is where.... I started this morning by counting and organizing them. I have 118 normal ones (including the Star Trek Collector's Series), 2 motorized ones (I think the motor is burnt out on one, so you have to use the hand-winder on the bottom), 2 miniature ones (although they don't dispense, and they only hold 4 pieces each), and one that looks like a freakish cross-breed of a plush toy and a Pez dispenser.
I organized them into groups--Halloween, Christmas, Easter, Star Wars, Simpsons, Peanuts, Garfield, etc.--and just left most of them sitting on my table, which means there is no room to eat at said table. The Star Wars are hanging out with the cardboard bust of Darth Vader, who now wears a cap on top of his helmet. The Muppets--with two Kermits--are standing behind the army of frogs that hang out on top of my TV--Kermit's army. The Star Trek Collector's Series--still in the box--is on the wall near the thermostat. Finally, the Simpsons--with an extra Lisa and an extra Maggie--are on top of the fridge, just watching. The rest reside--at least temporarily--on my table. ...I think I know where one group can go, but I won't reveal that here.
On a completely different note, I've only been here two weeks now, and I'm on my third roll of TP. This new high-fiber, low-fat diet is making my toilet work overtime. Good thing water is free and I have a plunger. The good side of this diet is that I've lost 15 pounds in about a week. The only time I've lost weight faster was on my 5-day fast--I lost 16 pounds, but put 6 of them back on the first day I started eating again. At this rate, I'll be back to junior-in-high-school weight (250 pounds) by the end of the month (I'm currently 275). The weight loss will probably slow down however, and I might only make it to going-home-after-freshman-year weight (260 pounds--I lost 45 pounds my freshman year and put 40 of them back on over the summer).
I organized them into groups--Halloween, Christmas, Easter, Star Wars, Simpsons, Peanuts, Garfield, etc.--and just left most of them sitting on my table, which means there is no room to eat at said table. The Star Wars are hanging out with the cardboard bust of Darth Vader, who now wears a cap on top of his helmet. The Muppets--with two Kermits--are standing behind the army of frogs that hang out on top of my TV--Kermit's army. The Star Trek Collector's Series--still in the box--is on the wall near the thermostat. Finally, the Simpsons--with an extra Lisa and an extra Maggie--are on top of the fridge, just watching. The rest reside--at least temporarily--on my table. ...I think I know where one group can go, but I won't reveal that here.
On a completely different note, I've only been here two weeks now, and I'm on my third roll of TP. This new high-fiber, low-fat diet is making my toilet work overtime. Good thing water is free and I have a plunger. The good side of this diet is that I've lost 15 pounds in about a week. The only time I've lost weight faster was on my 5-day fast--I lost 16 pounds, but put 6 of them back on the first day I started eating again. At this rate, I'll be back to junior-in-high-school weight (250 pounds) by the end of the month (I'm currently 275). The weight loss will probably slow down however, and I might only make it to going-home-after-freshman-year weight (260 pounds--I lost 45 pounds my freshman year and put 40 of them back on over the summer).
10 August 2009
Apartment Version 2.0 Features
I neglected to mention many of the features of Apartment Version 2.0 in my last post, so here goes.
--Marvel at the two towering tape towers!!! One is a roll of painter's tape and 9, count them, 9 rolls of electrical tape--no two of which are the same color!! The other is 19, you heard correctly ladies and gentlemen, 19 rolls of duct tape--in 19 different colors!
--Be amazed as the apartment converts from daytime mode--with seating for 7 and a table for eating or playing games--to nighttime mode--with seating for 5 and a bed, or sleeping room for 4!
--Become hypnotized by the lava lamp!
--Gaze deeply into the eyes of the bust of Darth Vader, made entirely out of black cardboard!
--See the results of a tube of cyanoacrylate cracking and exposing the contents to air
--See the blue line demarcating the boundary between where shoes/sandals/flip-flops are allowed, and where they are forbidden!
--Watch the video made as a German 102 class project, which highlights my rollerblading skills! Wait, on second thought, don't watch that. You won't be able to appreciate the amazing skills.
--Play video games on the system with the best graphics money could buy in 1995! That's right, ladies and gentlemen, it's a Sega Saturn!!
--Hear tales of free laundry, free heat, and free water! "Did he say free laundry?" Yes! FREE LAUNDRY!
--Look on in wonder at the filing cabinet that can slice open fingers! (I'm okay, just need to keep putting on new band-aids in the morning)
--Marvel at the two towering tape towers!!! One is a roll of painter's tape and 9, count them, 9 rolls of electrical tape--no two of which are the same color!! The other is 19, you heard correctly ladies and gentlemen, 19 rolls of duct tape--in 19 different colors!
--Be amazed as the apartment converts from daytime mode--with seating for 7 and a table for eating or playing games--to nighttime mode--with seating for 5 and a bed, or sleeping room for 4!
--Become hypnotized by the lava lamp!
--Gaze deeply into the eyes of the bust of Darth Vader, made entirely out of black cardboard!
--See the results of a tube of cyanoacrylate cracking and exposing the contents to air
--See the blue line demarcating the boundary between where shoes/sandals/flip-flops are allowed, and where they are forbidden!
--Watch the video made as a German 102 class project, which highlights my rollerblading skills! Wait, on second thought, don't watch that. You won't be able to appreciate the amazing skills.
--Play video games on the system with the best graphics money could buy in 1995! That's right, ladies and gentlemen, it's a Sega Saturn!!
--Hear tales of free laundry, free heat, and free water! "Did he say free laundry?" Yes! FREE LAUNDRY!
--Look on in wonder at the filing cabinet that can slice open fingers! (I'm okay, just need to keep putting on new band-aids in the morning)
09 August 2009
Apartment Version 2.0
Why do people look away from a 280-pound man who has just been jumping in puddles? Is there something unusual about that?
On a completely different note, my apartment (Version 2.0) has just been opened to the public. There are still some bugs in the system, but I hope to have most of them fixed by the release date of Version 2.1, which is yet to be determined. There is now seating for up to 5 individuals--not counting fold-up chairs, the bed, or the floor. The interface has undergone an upgrade, so you won't be seeing as much plain white space as with Version 1.0. We have also upgraded the sound system to meet 2.1 speaker settings. Hopefully those that were displeased with Apartment Version 1.0 will be more satisfied with Version 2.0, and those that never saw Version 1.0 will drop by and enjoy the updated look and feel.
On a completely different note, my apartment (Version 2.0) has just been opened to the public. There are still some bugs in the system, but I hope to have most of them fixed by the release date of Version 2.1, which is yet to be determined. There is now seating for up to 5 individuals--not counting fold-up chairs, the bed, or the floor. The interface has undergone an upgrade, so you won't be seeing as much plain white space as with Version 1.0. We have also upgraded the sound system to meet 2.1 speaker settings. Hopefully those that were displeased with Apartment Version 1.0 will be more satisfied with Version 2.0, and those that never saw Version 1.0 will drop by and enjoy the updated look and feel.
04 August 2009
I'm ba-ack
I arrived in Ames last night, and I feel tired. My apartment is a nice little place, so that's a blessing. I've been walking around town today running errands and trying to get a job. This morning, I got change for a 10 because I would be riding the bus a lot, and it would feel like stealing to use my ISUCard when I'm not actually a student. Turns out CyRide is free this summer--at least until the 15th. So now my wallet is fatter than it needs to be.
I bought a shower curtain today, because my shower didn't have one, and it was hard trying to shower while worrying about how much water is getting on the floor. I tried my best, but still ended up toweling more water off the floor than off of myself. My towel was still damp at 3--and I showered before 8.
Just 2 weeks until the dorm dwellers initiate their arrivals, and I'm looking forward to seeing many of my friends before they start getting too involved in classes.
I bought a shower curtain today, because my shower didn't have one, and it was hard trying to shower while worrying about how much water is getting on the floor. I tried my best, but still ended up toweling more water off the floor than off of myself. My towel was still damp at 3--and I showered before 8.
Just 2 weeks until the dorm dwellers initiate their arrivals, and I'm looking forward to seeing many of my friends before they start getting too involved in classes.
03 August 2009
Move-In Day
Today I move in. I'm currently doing the laundry and making a checklist so I don't forget anything. (I will anyway, just watch) The apartment probably won't be very furnished until Saturday, when my parents rent a van, because it's hard to fit large items into a Kia Rio. Still on the lookout for a job, and I pray I'll get one soon. Otherwise, I'll have to dip into the savings account to pay the rent next month.
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