Since it is nearly Christmas, there will be a lot of talk about Santa over the next couple of days. Now many of you have probably heard that Santa Claus doesn't exist. If you are first hearing this lie here, I'm sorry. The truth is, Santa is a Time Lord (for those that don't know, a Time Lord is from the TV series Doctor Who). This easily accounts for all of his abilities, as I will elucidate below.
Why is he portrayed differently in different areas? His TARDIS (Time And Relative Dimensions In Space) has a fully functioning chameleon circuit, which allows it to change shape to fit in with its surroundings. The difference in his physical appearance (not his traveling craft) is due to the fact that Time Lords can regenerate when they are about to die--12 regenerations, or 13 different bodies throughout their lifetime. However, the Master--a particularly evil Time Lord--was granted another cycle of regenerations, so Santa could have been gifted likewise.
How can he visit all houses in one night? A TARDIS is a time machine. 'Nuff said.
How can he fit all the presents into his vehicle (sleigh, kayak, etc.)? A TARDIS is bigger on the inside than on the outside, but then again, it's a time machine, so he wouldn't have to fit everything in there if he didn't want to.
How can he know what everybody wants/who's been good? Again, time machine. He's at every mall where Santa impersonators show up--he's not actually them, and they are not his helpers--he just hangs out nearby.
So let's all stop lying to children. Santa is real, and he is a Time Lord.
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