Twilight

So, for those of you who have been reading this blog since the start, you know I'm (mildly) obsessed with vampires--for the rest of you, check the last paragraph in this post and all of this post. Anyway, I realized today that the new Twilight movie is coming out tonight. I only know this because the Daily devoted most of its opinion pages to it. I refuse to patronize that piece of trash they call a vampire/romance movie--please excuse the anger, this just gets me worked up.

I don't like that they claim there are vampires in it. The characters in that movie are further from vampires than I am. They can be out in the sun with no problems--they should die instantly--and they can choose whether or not to drink blood--which would cause a real vampire to die in a matter of days, because vampires cannot manufacture red blood cells. And what's this I've heard about the main "vampire" not wanting to bite his girlfriend because he loves her? So, instead of biting her once so she lives forever with him as a vampire, he lets her continue being mortal, watching her age and eventually has to watch her die? That doesn't sound like love to me. Love is never wanting to be parted from someone, not being afraid to do one small thing for them. So yeah, I even have a problem with the "romance" angle of the movie/novels. He doesn't really love her, he's just pretending to. Although, since I've made the case that he's not a real vampire anyway, he can't make her live forever by biting her, so that point is moot.

Why do Twilight and shows/movies/novels like it work me up as much as they do? Let me put it this way. What Twilight does with vampires would be like having zombies stop in the middle of the zombie apocalypse and have a tea party with the remaining humans; or like Frankenstein's creature--Frankenstein is the man, not the creation, however, my opinion is that Frankenstein is the real monster of the story, but that's a completely different rant--building a bonfire on the beach, playing guitar, and singing Kumbaya while teenagers dance around and sing with him; or like Godzilla traveling to Tokyo to do some sightseeing and take pictures, without destroying a single building. The "vampires" in Twilight and the other garbage like it are completely unvampirelike and I'm tired of people referring to the characters as vampires.

Anyway, for those of you who actually like that stuff, I still like you, I just don't understand how you can like it. Don't try to explain it to me, though--you won't get anywhere.

I think it's time to go back to my place and have some vittles--my stomach's telling me it's way past time to eat.