About two hours ago I returned from the Salt Company Fall Retreat--I'm currently waiting for my laundry to finish so I have clean clothes to change into when I shower. It was amazing. When it started, I had slipped back into my depression from earlier in the week, and I just wasn't feeling great about going. Even though I wasn't feeling good, I let myself go to try to get the best out of the weekend.
During free time yesterday, I got into a soccer game. I played goalie for much of the game, and made a couple saves that involved putting my head in the way of people's legs/feet. The other team was just picked too well, because our team never really came close to scoring. Oh well.
Just before the Saturday night session, I was feeling exhausted. I even sprawled on the pew in the front row, anticipating taking a short nap before worship. That didn't happen, so I was feeling wiped out when it started--and after everything was over, we had to tear everything down so they could use it at church this morning. There was no way I was going to be able to help with that. At the end of the session, Ed was leading us through letting things go--idols, depression, hurt feelings towards others, etc. Of course, being me, I broke down and cried for a while. After the closing worship, I just felt so much energy.
After that session, we went outside to replicate the end to this video:
Adoleo - Waiting for You. from Gabriel Noll on Vimeo.
There were some scary moments during that. One of the lanterns got caught in a tree for a bit, another one got a hole in the top and sank back to the ground (Luckily, I had been following that one, and I caught it before it touched down again). That one got thrown in the bonfire, which caused it to burn, then float up as a charred mess, nearly hitting another lantern on the way back down. Another lantern came back down, was caught by one of the guys in my small group, and he held it until it had enough loft to take off again.
And naturally, the next morning, there was a "what has God done this weekend" open mic thing. I normally avoid getting up at times like that, but this time I just went for it. Of all the people that shared (mostly women, like the population of the retreat), I was the one up there that came closest to crying on the stage. Second place on that was a 6-4, 260 pound defensive lineman for the Hawkeyes.
As for what made me break down, it's simply this: I'm sick and tired of depression. I'm also tired of putting time with God after my own entertainment and school.
Ed Noble is an amazing man, and it's easy to tell that he is led by the Spirit. This is the second time I've heard him speak at a retreat, and both times, I've wound up unable to stand because I can't trust my legs to hold me.
Well, I think the dryer's done now, and I want to get cleaned up for an afternoon of nothing. Though I likely won't hop in the shower until the Cowboys game is over.
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