Old Traps

Last night, I was just hanging out at my place, wasting time, when I got a text around 7, asking what I was doing. After a short conversation, I was informed of a worship night happening, or I could go see paranormal activity. I hadn't heard of the worship night before that, so the father of lies chose that opportunity to spring one of his old traps on me: "You're a loser and nobody likes you. That's why nobody tells you about anything anymore." At that point (7:20 pm) I decided to go for a walk, which would take me past the place where the worship night was happening.

But first, it took me on a long path that included going past the hospital--so I now know that the hospital is about a 40-minute walk from my place--and crossing a wooden bridge through the woods and some train tracks. "My" plan was to walk past the house, and if no one noticed me, I'd just keep going. And to make that a virtual impossibility, I was wearing my coat, which I almost never wear, so it would make it even harder for me to be recognized in. I walked past, and it looked like there was maybe two people there. Of course, no one noticed, since I was wearing a coat I almost never wear, and walking on a sidewalk that isn't very well lit, and no one inside had any reason to look outside.

I kept walking, staying stuck in the trap, and eventually feeling really alone. I got about a mile past the house when I finally said "This is stupid." Literally, I stopped and said that. I leaned against a power pole, thinking about what I had been thinking, and after a short time, I turned around and headed back. I started praying, and my prayer at that point was a little angry at myself for falling for that again, so it had some "colorful language".

When I got there, I was soon asked how I was, and I admitted that I had fallen into an old trap, and told everyone there about it. I almost cried when I was in the trap, I almost cried talking about it then, and I almost cried typing about it now. How many times am I going to (almost) cry this month? It's getting ridiculous.