Screwdrivers are evil....and tasty

Wednesday night wasn't very kind to me. I haven't posted this before now because it sucked. After setup for Salt was finished, I was thirsty, and we were in a bar, so I decided to try a screwdriver. "Mom" saw me drinking it, and said a lot about how it wasn't leader-like to be drinking. This hurt a bit--the woman I like being upset with me and saying I'm not a good leader is slightly disconcerting.

I went for a walk (in 20 degree weather without a coat), prayed a little, and then talked to one of my connection group's leaders. His advice basically boiled down to "talk to her." So, after the band finished practicing, I did. I explained that I didn't think it was a big deal, and that the only people there were tech and band people. I managed to avoid pointing out that the drummer was on his second beer of the night, and the bass player was also drinking a beer. Luckily I realized that pulling the "other people are doing it too" card was a bad move.

Then she talked about how Cornerstone has a rule that you can't drink and help out--which I wanted to refute with "but we don't have anything like that here", but didn't--and how her family has a bad history with alcohol.

I then told her that I cared about her opinion, and I liked her. Then she gave me a look that said "I like you as a friend, but..." At the same time, she told me "I'm just a sister." I later repeated that I cared about her opinion, and she repeated that she's "just a sister."

That was about an hour before Salt, and I spent that hour trying not to cry--and feeling worse and worse as the evening wore on. I stayed because I had previously agreed to run house lights, and I'm not going to go back on my word. However, as soon as the last song was done, I took off to go home, lie in bed and feel sorry for myself.


I usually get a ride to class from another Salt Company member on Thursdays, but I skipped that so I could walk and think--and listen to a bunch of worship songs to try and get myself out of the bad mood.


Thursday night, I got a text--from the same leader I had talked to the night before--asking if I was going to the girls' b-ball game. I told him no, and after a few more exchanges, I told him that I just wanted to stay home and be alone. Then he challenged me with "Do you want to be alone because you think thats what God thinks is best for you, you think is best for you, or satan thinks is best for you?" It's really frustrating when someone hits you like that when you're already feeling lousy--especially when you know he's right. So he ended up dragging me to English Club, and to a Community/Office/Parks & Rec viewing party. That night did a lot to bring me out of my bad mood.


I think I'm okay with the whole situation, but the true test will come when I see her tomorrow--the first time since Salt.