So, my birthday is in just under a week--it's Monday--and all I want to do for my birthday is avoid people. As I said in a post earlier this month, I don't like parties that center around me.
But that's not the big thing. The big thing is money. I have about $50 to my name--and about half of that is going to buy groceries tomorrow. Rent is due on the first, but if I pay before the 6th, I don't have to pay a late fee--would be a $40 fee on the $410 rent. That still means I almost needed to get a full time job starting yesterday to pay it without a fee.
That makes me want to just stay at home feeling sorry for myself, or if I have a job by then, to work all day. And the American part of me--you know, the "if I can't make it on my own, I shouldn't make it" part--abhors the thought of being a sort of charity case, so I have been extremely reluctant to ask for help, and I'm having a hard time not simply deleting this post before publishing it.
All this combines to make my birthday something that I don't want to celebrate. It might even be my worst birthday ever. We'll have to wait and see if it tops my 17th--waking up early on a Saturday, putting on nice clothes, passing by protesters, walking across a stage in front of thousands of people, then going home to a "party" when all I wanted to do was nap.
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