Cursed(?) blessing

So yesterday, I was thinking (in other words, talking to myself) when I noticed that one thing I've been blessed with has shaped a lot of my behavior.

The first part of this blessing is that I have a high tolerance for pain. For example, I've played football while I had a pulled groin and a tweaked knee, I've continued to play ultimate frisbee after getting kneed in the chest, and I've slammed my head in a car door and simply walked away like nothing happened.

Secondly, I rarely get sick. I can hang out with people who have the flu and get nothing worse than the sniffles--and I've never had a flu shot. I eat (probably) undercooked meat on a semi-regular basis, but don't even get an upset stomach. I get a lot of colds, but that's about it. I haven't been sick to the point of regurgitation for years--I think since 8th grade. I do get sick--chickenpox twice, many bouts of pinkeye, and the time I was so sick where my stomach would reject even water (my earliest memory is of having to take a pill then--I'll let you fill in the blanks)--but it's rare.

Thirdly, when I do get sick, it's usually not for long--most of the time, a good three-hour nap and I'm fine again.

This blessing has caused me to not care too much about my safety and health. I take stupid risks--"I bet that if I take a running start at the top of these stairs, I can make it down without falling", "So what if it's pouring, it's only a 2-mile walk", "It's only five blocks, it doesn't matter that it's below zero", etc. I'm a big believer in the 5-second rule, even though I'm not a big believer in vacuuming regularly. And if I do get injured or sick, I tend to shrug it off and wait for it to heal on its own--I don't go to doctors unless it's serious.

Now, you might be thinking that if I don't care about my own injuries/illnesses, that I wouldn't care about others, and you would be wrong. If I get injured, I tend to laugh it off, but if someone else gets hurt, I'm one of the first people over, making sure they're okay, and feeling anxious until I know they are--even when I know they're in good hands, my thoughts turn to them until I see that they're okay for myself.

However, other people do worry about my safety and well-being, and this causes me great discomfort. I try to hide when I'm hurting--even if it means making the injury worse--just so others won't worry about me, and if I'm sick (with more than just a cold) I just quarantine myself so others won't catch whatever I have--or know that I'm not feeling well.

This worry that others will worry about me caused me to be the person I was as a young man--namely, a jerk. I figured that if I was a jerk to you, you wouldn't care if I got hurt, so my worry is gone. This worry is also a big part of why I try not to let people get very close to me--I'd rather not have them concerned when I get hurt for doing something stupid.

Of course, not letting people get close to me and being a jerk all the time has its drawbacks--I think that, along with what's mentioned in this post, caused a lot of my depression.

So, this blessing that many other people would love to have has, at times, become like a curse to me. Maybe I just need to change my attitude about the whole thing--with some help from God.