Sleeping is hard

I had real trouble sleeping last night. I was too upset. Even my favorite baseball team getting a perfect game from their ace pitcher and pulling even in their division couldn't help me sleep--and yes, I'm a White Sox fan. Wanna fight about it?

Anyway, here's why I was--and still am--upset. My mom is currently out of town for work--nothing unusual there--and around 7 last night, the phone rang here. Since people that want to call me call my cell, my dad was the one that answered it. He talked for a while, making notes on the little pad he keeps in his pocket. After he hung up, I asked what it was about, and he told me that mom was going to be out of town for the rest of next week instead of coming back on Tuesday. I thought there had to be more to it, but I didn't press him. Instead, I announced my plans to find an apartment and move out. He didn't seem to happy about it, telling me that it would be expensive.

Shortly after that, I went to lie down in my room because it's too hot in that living room unless you're sitting where my dad sits. After a couple minutes, my cell phone rang. I picked up, saw that it was my mom, and said hello. She asked if dad had told me what the call she had just made to him was about, and I said "just that you'll be later getting home than you thought before." She told me that she had filed for divorce, and went through the usual "it's not your fault" thing. She hung up, and I started to cry. I realized that my timing on the apartment news was bad, and I started to see the family dynamic differently than I had before. I had always seen my dad as the buffer that kept my mom and me from killing each other, but now I'm starting to see that I was the one that kept them from fighting. I don't see myself at fault for the divorce, just as the reason they stayed together this long--and that's why I couldn't sleep last night.

I should say that I did actually get some sleep, but not much. I fell asleep about 1, but was awakened by one of the cats yowling in the kitchen at 2 in the morning. I couldn't get back to sleep until about 4, and then slept straight through until 8.