The Panic Rat is Loose

Most of the people reading this will know that I sometimes say or do things that don't make sense to anyone around. These things always make perfect sense to me at the time, just not to anyone that isn't privy to my thought process. Here's the thought process that led to the second post--the one about my piercing experience.

Sometimes, I still face one of my oldest and most dangerous foes. He lives in my mind, often keeping me from being happy with all that God has given me. Psychologists would call it depression. I sometimes call it "the panic rat", a phrase lovingly borrowed from Cell by Stephen King. On Friday night, the panic rat was let loose--I'll tell why later in this post.

When the panic rat is loose, I don't trust myself alone, so I contacted a friend and had him come over to keep me company. He was sitting on my desk, talking while I worked on getting things packed--I asked him not to help because he might ruin my insane system. I don't remember what I put into my filing cabinet, but he said "You've come a long way in a year. Remember what used to be in there?" (Referring to my dirty magazine collection) I said, "Yeah. Now this is all that's in there" and tossed him a small mailing envelope. He asked what was in it, and I replied "Replacement rings for the piercings I used to have."

We talked about that for a little while, and he asked if he could tell people, because it was funny to him that I had nipple rings. Then he suggested I post about it in the blog. I started to say no, but I was writing the introduction in my head.

Anyway, now back to what let out the panic rat. Friday, after leaving Blinks, I was on WebCT checking grades, and realized that my poor study/homework habits may have finally caught up with me. I've been on academic probation this semester, so I need a 2.00 GPA to return in the fall. I know my grades in all of my classes except for Thermodynamics. I need at least a B+ in that to come back for fall semester. However, it looks like my grades on assignments and tests come to about a C-. I didn't want to have to explain this to my parents, and I didn't want to be away from my friends for that extended period of time, so the panic rat escaped and started his dirty work.

I find out tomorrow if I can return for the fall. That's when grades are posted. Just 24 hours until I learn whether I get to see my friends in August or January. I doubt I'll sleep very well tonight. The panic rat is working hard to make sure of that. I'm already feeling that I should just go back to bed and stay there for a while. What I'm thinking for my next post is titling it with the grade I got in Thermo, and what it means. We'll see if that ends up being the way it is.